How can I put this story to words?

It's bigger than life

and life it sucks out of me.

I have no explanation for all

the horror, for all the hurt,

nor for the tears or the loss of faith.

The frustration is deep and the powerlessness

is a mountain, oh so heavy to climb.

It sits like a wet blanket over me,

it smothers me with it's weight.

I have no idea how my words come out

they seem to live their own life,

running fast from those they have to reach.

Or is it the air in front of me that turned thick

as a wall,

so that my words have turned to bouncing balls,

that can't quite reach through?

With every sentence I speak

the reply implies that I didn't speak it.

It leaves me confused and drained of sense,

have I in fact said something else? Have I?

I seem to have lost that elusive battle,

 that is a game I wasn't aware was in play.