"Why do people mistreat, abuse, manipulate and heist other people's possesions?" The answer is: "they lack self-respect." There are other qualities such as pride and conditions such as poverty that may motivate a person to disrespect others but, for the most part, this behavior aimed at assaulting another person results from a lack of self-respect.

Self-respect is regard for one's own standing or position, a sense of worth or being estemed. It is a component of self-esteem. Low self-esteem means low self-respect. However, self-respect has its own specificity and behavorial function. Ultimately, self-respect answers the question, "What do I amount to in my own eyes, not what or who I pose or posture as being, as expressed in the thoughts and feelings I have about myself?"

Half way through the second counseling session I had with a middle-age man he said "I feel like shit!" A person's feelings and thoughts generally reflect his feelings. Thoughts produce feelings. We may skip a person's thoughts and go directly to his feelings to determine how he values or disvalues himself, whether or not he lacks self-respect. Adversarial behavior results from a lack of self-respect.

In Shakespeare's "Hamlet," Polonius's last words to his son Laertes were "To thine own self be true , ... Thou canst not then be false to any man." Also true is: "Have respect for yourself and you cannot then disrespect another person."

Self-respect can be acquired and developed. It is chiefly acquired through self-discovery. That's the good news. The not-so-good news is the "how to-do-it" instructions are not a part of this discourse. "Seek and you shall find." Beware, however, of the advice given by certian TV, radio and some other guru-like posturing counselors. Think seven or more times before you take their advice.

Copyright 2010 by Uriah J. Fields

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