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john k zimmerman

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observations
by john k zimmerman → (All Poetry by john k zimmerman)
  
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i'd like some feedback on this
Work in Progress




Sitting on a bench
along the creek path:

Big girl walks by
straight brown hair
grey tank top over
black what ever
tight black slacks,
eyebrows
plucked and
pierced,
cell phone in ear,
big ass.

still there minutes
later
dirty blonde slops by
scuffing low heels,
belted
blue trench coat
face removed
replacement badly
painted;
slushy,
black
book bag,
no ass.

Listened to bird
song,
tied shoe,
walked on.

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 Reviews of "observations"
Reviewed by jude forese
Reviewed on June 15, 2003
well crafted write!

Reviewed by Kate Clifford (Reader)
Reviewed on June 14, 2003
Not sure what to say, except that your observation skill and ability to write about it is really good.

Reviewed by Gwen Dickerson
Reviewed on June 14, 2003
Hahaha, yep, I agree with Tinka's observation about your softspot! However you did notice the bird's song which is a thing of beauty in it's self and perhaps compensated for your lack of pleasure from the other observations! Please continue, I enjoy the way you present your observations.

Reviewed by Tinka Boukes
Reviewed on June 14, 2003
well what can I say...you do have an eagles eye....but those asses are your softspot.....lol......why was you shoelace undone?????...hehehehehe!!
This was quite good....looking forward to reaad more about this one

Love
Tinka


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