This is a memory of old when I was a lost soul. Things change and with this passage perhaps those who have lost hope may see a little light at the end of their rainbow.
--Susan*

Woman-Woman...a broken spirit

Its time to unload...so much here inside this woman-woman that to even begin will spill enough of my spirit to leave me light headed and giddy.

Here I am a woman of natural talent... genes preferred when it comes to art
and writing. Natural abilities, natural tastes and life style and natural love, in abundance but no one who is capable to make an honest offer for her
dignity standing proud.

What is wrong here?

Is it me or am I intimidating enough to string my emotions away from a good
man's eye and destine myself and heart to go pumpless when it involves
real love?

Oh, I know it now. Came by that in an honest way but , unfortunately...not
thought out for the differences in consequences and deeds. Hey...love is a
fickle stranger and this woman is the stranger who thought love was a four
letter word for most men. Some men would laugh at that soooo...if you're one of those males ... Guess what ...this woman-woman just second guessed you.

Friggin passions that confuse the body and warp the speed of true love .... well... it'll walk right into your life...in a whirlwind...lick that
dress up around your idealologies and convince the Pope to get his teeth
cleaned and prepare for a deep kiss.(No disrespect, just attempting levity in a sad situation).You end up such a flittery fool that you are shamed and so you blush.

Blushing alone has to be one of the worst and most embarrassing things for
someone to do. Alone? Who will ever know you're blushing, so why would you
blush in private?

This is my problem . You see, honesty makes the self responsible when true
love seems to be dug in at the heart nesting and on alert in the mind.It keeps you honest and so very foolish when you have an open road but you're driving this baby alone.

Think about it. When you love everything is honest to the self. Who are you trying to lie to here,yourself? You can't. You could even be deaf and
still know that the inside whisper is pure and honest...."you're acting
the fool Sugar Britches!"

Now the foolish heroes are plenty when it comes to thinking above the
sweetheart who watches and ignores the signs.

Take this woman-woman for instance.

Now in qualifying "Woman_woman" she would be the darling princess; the
gullible heart whose brain always shadows the emotions and who guards with a will that would make most men use a skateboard to get around rather than crawling on his knees. He would be the suitor she would eat alive and
leave a quadraplegic by chopping him off at the knees, just because she can. She is the woman-woman who suffered and became vindictive despite professing her dignity being above board. What a shame for she is destined to be alone and gossiped for her misdeeds. How cruel for she loses too.

Then there is the Engenue...once again and twice visited by love. She
loved the innocent and immortal love. She dove in with a jack knife spirit
and road that sucker til she killed it with the men who were destined to
abuse her goodwill and child like nature. She is the griever; the one who
believed in love and knew that bonds and oaths between lovers would never
need to scale barbed wire and who would die for her love and her decision
to be part of a problem she belived in with all her heart.

She is the woman who breaks, who curls up at night with her knees tucked
under her chin and who sniffels like a little girl. The dreamer in this woman
is the child who loved and awed at the emotions and who road the tail of love's comet, alone. She is the one who suffers and suffers for her lifetime. She hates herself for her gullible side and her turmoil will always be her belief in her dreams.

So, here She is...REAL Woman _Woman who fears another step. Who shakes at
the prospect of the love of a heartbeat close and free.w What will be and when will it die? Yes! When will it die? Afterall, that's what happens to true love,at least to her.

She welcomes her destiny and walks that line.Tokes the prospects of new
love and dives, once again ,into love and weeps when the fears become her monster.

She is her worst enemy. She loves so real that the real will never come to
this helpless soul. She attaches to the ones who will always use her and
disrespect her honor and faith. She lives without that love she wants more
than life.The one real hope that love is honest and can come and conquer
her fears.

She, Woman-Woman, a fatalist at heart with a thirst that tries so very hard
to conquer her fears and put the tests to bed. Give her life and love and you
birth the Enigma of a spirit whose destiny can make a man see fires and passion and a love so full of thought , spontineity and childlike
wonder...enough to make this futile Woman-Woman a real angel in a very real sense.

Love can be positive for her but it will take a prince. A Renassiance
knight with valor and willpower enough to reteach the damsel's emotions
again and show her the dream by reaching into her heart, lifting it out and proving to her that it is full for the first time in her life.

Woman-woman...the girl who still believes and has the real treasures for a man of honor to reap a passel of love for all the right reasons....or so she believes.

As a woman who is a tried and true vixen of passions and as a woman blushing and resilient, I'll try it again. After this time I'll adjust my throne and begin a quest for the man who got away.The one who lives with honor and the man of compassion who makes my heart weep just by watching his eyes appreciate the child in his woman.

Here she is world, a rebel in a Woman-Woman with a paltry stab at
conquering myself, woman - child.

Author ~Susan K. Rowse

(c) copyright, 2002
(all rights reserved)