I think this is by far one of my biggest downfalls.. as with many.
Question is what do i feel guilty about? I wish i knew.. everything big and small.. even if i don't own it.. I find a way to take it..
It is like a seed..
I think that is how it begins..
burrowing
under my skin..
maybe from the day
I was born..
floating inside..
looking for a place
to plant itself and grow..
I am one with it..
Consumed by it..
It is all I am..
It is all I do..
or ever did.
All that I will ever be..
It feels like a boulder
large
heavy
corroded.
Growing heavier
by the day..
This disease
that I allow to stay..
It is inside of me..
Yet no one sees..
I walk around pretending
nothing is wrong..
Knowing everything ..
is wrong..
And I am to
blame..
This boulder so heavy
will never let me live
a single moment down.
It always makes sure
I am planted
firmly on the ground
keeping my soul
from flying free..
Preventing me
from my destiny..
It knows it has me
in it's hold..
This large heavy boulder..
I cannot let go..
So I learn to live with it
this heavy load..
Because I have no choice..
to let go..
I think it is something
very few know..
I have tried to crush it..
roll it from my soul..
there is nothing I can do..
I am corroded..
pure slimy black..
I am barely living..
barely human..
barely breathing..
Guilt...
It is all I am
All I will ever be...
but hidden too deep
for anyone to see.
Yet I continue
to live on and on..
Like the walking dead..
Knowing
this heaviness will never be gone
Knowing
all I have ever done wrong
Guilt.. is pain..
this boulder
that lives in my body
it is part of my heart
connected with a steel chain..
Making sure
I can never get away..
Making sure
I can never change.
Making sure I stay the same..
Always always
filled with guilt and shame.
ERICA
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Reviews of "GUILT"
Reviewed by ken Oliver
Reviewed on February 27, 2003
If you act and feel in the present, the same way as you have in the past...the identical thing will happen in the future...let the boulder roll...you have carried far too long.
Jeez, I thought that I was the Queen of guilt, it eats at me too even when it's not deserved. Wishing you all the best.
JC xoxoxo
Reviewed by Calendula Petal (Reader)
Reviewed on February 27, 2003
one of the most powerful words ever..
feeling guilty can also spur us on to do something about what we were feeling guilty about, so dont be too harsh on yourself....
loved the way you put this into words though.
freedom of choice always...
compassion to your pain...
hint: you can choose "not guilty"
but either way you are wonderful
Reviewed by La Belle Rouge (Reader)
Reviewed on February 27, 2003
This is powerful, it hurt. Sometimes the problem of guilt goes back to those who imposed that guilt on us that never should have been placed there. Most of us are much better people than the world has ever given us credit for being, we just need to give that credit to ourselves.
Reviewed by Elizabeth Taylor (Reader)
Reviewed on February 27, 2003
A definition of guilt that I use with my clients is "guilt is repeating an act in your mind because you didn't like the first solution, so the mind keeps toying with it over and over. To change it in your mind, see your problem in your imagination, and give it what you think is the correct solution, and then the mind can release it."
The mind is a wonderful thing, but you have to give it the cues to help yourself.
If you tend to believe romantic, passionate, masculine poetry is a thing of past eras, read "She Intrigues Me," and be swept away in the beautiful craft of a contemporary poet of love.
Ken
"Consumed by it..
It is all I am..
It is all I do..
or ever did.
All that I will ever be.."
You are a smart woman who has accomplished great things and overcome a ton of adversity. Don't let guilt paralyze you. Terrific poem.
JC xoxoxo
feeling guilty can also spur us on to do something about what we were feeling guilty about, so dont be too harsh on yourself....
loved the way you put this into words though.
compassion to your pain...
hint: you can choose "not guilty"
but either way you are wonderful
The mind is a wonderful thing, but you have to give it the cues to help yourself.
Very good poem. I enjoy your work.
~E
~E
Chrissie
gl to you
josie
You wrote it well.
TY
Tony:)