Forget me not,
flowering hue of dawn,
for while you walk with the virtues of consistency,
I dwell in the afterglow of your infinite song
The greatest shadows shall dwell,
and the longest night shall reign,
two steps shy of chasing the dawn,
It is as a dream
.
Forget me not,
pale blossom of night,
I feel the consumate pains
inherent in your darkest plight
.
Here, on the borderlands,
there are no pretty eyes to distract,
no kind hands to take back
the burden afforded by societies careless plan
.
Yea, it is as a dream,
or perhaps a nightmare perceived
Freedom has no flag, nor boast to brag, for freedom is as insubstantial as need
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Reviews of "Profile poem"
Reviewed by Richard Vallance (Reader)
Reviewed on October 16, 2003
I am afraid, dear Tyler, that this poem is not up to your usual snuff.
I've encountered several difficulties:
1. Your images do not "translate" refreshened.
2. The rhythm is a little too pebbly.
3. The poem strikes me as prosaic.
Here is just one example:
Forget me not,
flowering hue of dawn,
for while you walk with the virtues of consistency,
COULD HAVE BEEN (something like)
Forget me not
dawn's flower let hues,
for while you walk on virtue's sun's consistency...
(anyway, you get the gist. This is NOT the way I would have composed, as I evidently could not have written this poem in the first place. But, I am convinced you can EVINCE it a good deal more subtly than you have).
Thanks for biding with me on this.
Richard Vallance,
your co-conspirator in the second Renaissance!
I KNOW you can rework it to make it one of your usual greats.
A collection of love poetry both relatable and unique.. Poems both joyful, playfu , yearning and romantic. The Poet has exposed his heart and soul in words of love and admiration. Take a journey through the thoughts of a Contempary poet of love. Poet
Hundreds of excerpts from the archives of the Narcissistic Abuse Study List regarding Pathological Narcissism, relationships with abusive narcissists, and the Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).
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I've encountered several difficulties:
1. Your images do not "translate" refreshened.
2. The rhythm is a little too pebbly.
3. The poem strikes me as prosaic.
Here is just one example:
Forget me not,
flowering hue of dawn,
for while you walk with the virtues of consistency,
COULD HAVE BEEN (something like)
Forget me not
dawn's flower let hues,
for while you walk on virtue's sun's consistency...
(anyway, you get the gist. This is NOT the way I would have composed, as I evidently could not have written this poem in the first place. But, I am convinced you can EVINCE it a good deal more subtly than you have).
Thanks for biding with me on this.
Richard Vallance,
your co-conspirator in the second Renaissance!
I KNOW you can rework it to make it one of your usual greats.
Love, JC xoxoxo
Justin
PS. check S1 L4