Wife Attack
He slaps me, suddenly,
With hurtful words,
Stabs me, viciously
With his sword
Of poisonous nouns
Writhing in agony
Whimpering,
I curl up in a ball,
As he kicks me
Frantic, trying to
Block myself from
His adjectives of fury’
hurling me into
despair,
defenseless, a woman,
a little girl
I’m a mother
But I’m still a little girl
Not comprehending
The senselessness of it all
I’de rather be dead
For death cannot hurt
As much as this
I gave my heart
My whole being
Only to be crushed
By one who is kind
To all-but me
Thief he is
Stealing kind words
That are mine
Spending it on others
Who do not see
What he is
When the door closes
Imprisoning me in a place
That is meant to be my true home
But isn’t
Because this “home”
Is full of deadly weapons
Of words ready to unleash
A holocaust
Maiming, inflicting torture
And worse than a direct savage attack
That I am prepared to expect
Is the “subtle” one
Psychological warfare,
The knife just touching
He smiles
Speaks softly
As the knife silently releases
One drop of blood
No major damage yet
But I know what’s coming
Our children barely sense
Those attacks on me
Such “gentle” chiding
Leading to revealed assault
I block it out
Not to scare my babies
Even my teenager
is my baby
can’t scare him
I pray they should never see
The butchery
That is about to begin
May they never see me helpless
At the mercy
Of words
That will ultimately kill me
You single girls out there
Think you are lonely
You will never be as alone
As I feel now
When I am alone with him
This beloved one within our community
Alone with me
As the bedroom door shuts
Ringing in my ears
As the metal clanging of a prison cell
That is when
I envy you the most
Who in their right mind
Wants to be touched
By one who cripples me
Telling me how frustrated he is
Sick and tired
of sleeping with
a mere shell of a woman
but it will just have to do
poor me
to end up with a poor excuse of a wife as me,
he tells me this
as he tears at my blouse
using me to release his tension and anger
he will never comprehend
that it was he who made me
into what he sees in me,
he thinks he is seizing me,
doesn’t he see, in his sick desire,
that he is groping an empty shell,
I’ve left a long time ago
When I couldn’t bear the pain anymore
Of him not knowing
Who I truly am
I cannot forgive
One who desires my body
But not my soul
He never tried to love that
And now it’s too late
So I do not show him my soul
I hide it from him
For I have been hurt enough
I was ready, eager, full of life
As a beautiful rose
In a special garden
Instead
Crushed
Rotted
Decayed
Here is my grave
My tombstone
I read it in my head
Beautiful Rose
Buried together
With words never spoken
Never told her
Of her beauty
Her pure goodness
Lost forever
My husband
Who could have loved me
Cherished me
Instead killed me
When you see me
In the grocery buying milk
Or smiling brightly
At a dear friend’s simcha
You do not realize
That you are observing
The walking dead.
A shattered shell of a woman
Can use her smile
to mask the horrible pain
deep inside
my neighbors see me
and see nothing
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