Application

Your friendship application comes across as rather cold,
And asking me for references was also pretty bold.
My background check, the FBI, my fingerprints on file...
It used to be to make a friend you only had to smile.
Oh yes, of course, a physical-I've had one done on me.
I'll have the records sent to you so you will plainly see
My bloodwork and my EKG, I've got the perfect heart...
And hope that it will soon be yours, when you review my chart.
I'm sitting in the waiting room with all the other guys.
We're halfway through this process when they check our ears and eyes.
And all of us are hoping that we soon will be your date,
But first, of course, we know that you will check our height and weight.
I wonder why you even need a breathalyzer test,
But I will not refuse a single thing that you request.
I know that you are hoping for a very special guy,
And think I have a chance so I was happy to apply.
The doctors are impressed with me, especially the nurse.
She asked me for my number and she put it in her purse.
She was the perfect angel with a perfect body too...
I'm not so sure I'll send this application on to you.
With all this work to find out what a specimen I am,
There was a person through it all who really gave a dam.
So after all this process I am thinking with my gut...
That you can take this paperwork and shove it up your...
What?

John Bidwell.