Martian Bugs
I found a rock like nothing I had ever seen before.
I took it in the house and then I put it on the floor,
Then with a little hammer I just gave it several taps,
I guess it woke some critters that were in it taking naps.
The rock began to hum and spin, and I remember thinking
If anyone would hear of this they’d think I had been drinking
It really was quite scary so I tried to grab the phone
But something strange was happening; I couldn’t get a tone.
The rock then stopped and opened up, some shiny things came out,
Like silver balls with wiry legs that carried them about.
These creatures then attached themselves to anything of metal.
Appliances, our pots and pans, and even on the kettle.
The little things were eating; there was just one explanation,
They feed themselves, unlike ourselves, by means of oxidation
Of any ferric substances, all metal was fair game.
I shuddered at the horror they might cause, with me to blame.
I wished that I had never touched the rock that I had found,
If only I could take it back and leave it on the ground.
The odor was so awful as the metal was dissolved,
I wondered what these creatures were or how they had evolved.
The damage was extensive, and they even ate my gun,
They’d eat us out of house and home before the things were done.
I knew I had to stop them but I couldn’t figure how.
I had to find an answer, and I had to find it now!
It suddenly occurred to me, a thing that I might use-
It might not do me any good, but what was I to lose?
I grabbed my heavy magnet from the tackle box outside,
And told the little fellows, “Come and get it, open wide.”
Well sure enough it did the trick; it put the things to sleep.
My God, I felt so much relief I even had to weep.
I swept them up, two dozen, and I put them in the rock
And wrapped it shut with chains, a few more magnets, and a lock.
I put it in a duffel bag and threw it in the lake
Where no one else will find it if they try for goodness sake.
So if you ever find a rock you think looks rather odd,
I’m begging you to leave the thing alone so help me God.

John H. Bidwell