Where Am I?

I learned a trick some terrible time ago.
The time when truth was far too sad to know,
And darkness reigned as far as eyes could see-
I learned to make a better place to be.
To save my soul, no less the motivation
To make a place to serve as compensation
For gaping wounds that tore into my heart.
I made this place where better days could start.
It was no crime, this effort to survive,
The only way to want to be alive
Was knowing I could somehow jump away,
And live inside some movie I could play.
I shuffled back and forth between the two,
For no one else could tell me what to do.
One world where I had everything to gain,
And one where I just could not stand the pain.
Like everything, with practice came perfection,
The dreams would rival Heaven's own reflection;
I soon had learned to enter them at will,
A simple path from tragedy to thrill.
Against all odds the world of truth was healed,
The clouds dispersed and sunshine was revealed.
A time to go back home and settle in.
A time to leave the dreams where I had been.
But how is one to leave a world of dreams?
Where happiness is everything it seems,
A thousand happy endings all the same,
The credits rise and show the world my name.
What makes me happy now is so unfair,
I hear my loved ones call, but I'm not there.
I visit, but I can't stay very long.
The dreams compete, too happy, and too strong.
I wish the God's would wave some magic wand
To clear a path and let me get beyond
Imagining the best that I can feel,
While knowing I can never make it real.

John H. Bidwell