Well Christmas is finally over,

It was a wonderful day of Good Cheer;

But, God, now I don’t feel very good,

It must have been all that slurped up beer.

My humans bought me some really neat presents,

They even got me a nice new rawhide to chew;

But, God, now I don’t feel very good,

It must be from eating his new leather shoes.

Oh, how I loved the pretty Christmas tree,

It was twinkling and sparkling with shiny glitter;

But, God, now I don’t feel very good,

It must be those milk balls I found in the kitty litter.

My family danced and sang around the Christmas tree,

They even let us critters share in some stuffing and turkey;

But, God, now I don’t feel very good,

It must be that giant-sized beef jerky.

After dinner, we all sat around listening to Carols,

The Christmas music sure was soothing and great;

But, God, now I don’t feel very good,

It must be that stereo remote that I ate.

And I really loved that new stuffed animal,

He bought her a gigantic brown teddy bear;

But, God, now I don’t feel very good,

I think I must have swallowed all its hair.

I wonder what New Year’s will be like,

I wonder if I’ll feel any better by then;

I wonder if they’ll be serving egg nog,

And I wonder if I’ll do this all over again?

Suddenly, I’m feeling just a little bit better,

Suddenly, I’ve got a yen for Champagne;

Suddenly, I’m even getting real hungry,

Perhaps – just like them – I’m insane…

Well Christmas is finally over,

It was a wonderful day of Good Cheer;

But, God, now I don’t feel very good,

It must have been all that slurped up beer.

©2004, Shoeless Eddie Kostro for Traumatized Turbo