Seek and Ye Shall Find It,

Open Thine Eyes and Thy Shall See,

The Truth is Out There, As They Say,

And Now A King Provides This Truth, My Queen

“Evil Queen A Pax,

I Am Your Father!”

The Shocking Words of

Maximilius Ogre The Umpteenth,

King of the Ancient Cookie Ogre Clan

“My dearest dearest daughter A Pax,

I had never ever expected to find you here;

Here, on this most wretched of uncharted isles,

Here, where I had to flee from your mother in fear.

You see, my half human - half ogre child,

To this old ogre, your mother once was wed;

We had met one day at ye olde babbling brook,

Where New Love Beckons in the Mist, it is said.

At first, our marriage was an extremely happy one,

And your mother soon convinced me to renovate our castle;

But after only a few years, she began changing quite horridly,

And frankly, I soon found living with her a very horrifying hassle.

She’d begun comparing notes with the queens from other realms,

And she had now decided that she had been severely short changed;

Nothing we had in our small peaceful kingdom was now good enough,

And right before your birth, all she did was bitch, moan, and complain.

“The Queen of Cakeville has a much much bigger castle than ours!”

“The Queen of Ice Creamville’s servants number over Twenty Two!”

“I simply cannot wear this raggedy old gown to the Cookieville Ball!”

She was now making her very old ogre king husband, very very blue.

And soon she even began very spitefully begrudging me,

My ogre food requirement of a simple cookie here and there;

And for some very strange reason, she actually began believing,

That soon she would have no subjects left to rule – anywhere.

I very patiently tried to explain to her,

To your mother, known as Queen A TTACK,

That we ogre beings have always eaten cookies;

It truly is a most natural and a very ancient act.

But your mother simply would not listen,

And her unfounded fears grew worse each day;

When she enlisted that very diabolical mad baker,

I sadly knew in my heart, I would have to go away.

It was actually your devilish mother, Queen A TTACK,

Who instigated that very bloody Cookie Clone Conflict;

She and that mad baker were preparing venomous clones,

And every ogre in the realm was now dying or dreadfully sick.

Your mother was also the one who convinced the Chiselpecks

To bring those truly horrid evil trolls to our once peaceful land;

And through the years, it has pained my old ogre’s fatherly heart,

To see that she brainwashed you into continuing her sinister plans.

If we wretched old ogres have learned one thing in our lives,

It is that once anyone even attempts to change the natural order,

It can only lead to very lengthy, bloody, and unnecessary turmoil,

To hatred, deceitfulness, and a kingdom in total chaos and disorder.

And I truly fear that your cunning evil trolls’ most egregious error,

Was turning a young nobleman, Edward the Earnest, into an old ogre;

I believe they actually wanted to kill him, but they made a costly mistake,

And now, until justice finally prevails - for him - this war will never be over.

So I beg you, Your Most Evil Royal Highness Child,

Put aside your mother’s unfounded greedy insecurities;

Go back to Cookieville and find your true loving soul mate,

Rule as you should, forge ahead, and munch a few cookies.

I just read your last extremely heart wrenching poem, Daughter,

And I assure you it’s all right to lick, chew, And swallow, as well;

I have now sadly realized that your mother and I are both responsible,

For putting you through such an obviously half human – half ogre hell.

I must also tell you something which may be startling to you,

But since your mother is no longer here, it falls to the male;

Once an ogre father lovingly gazes upon any of his offspring,

The natural process soon begins, soon you will sprout your tail.

I also beg you to leave this extremely hellish island immediately,

For a truly ancient Evil One, in this hellish place, still does reside;

And I fear that if you do not leave now, and change your evil ways,

You will regret your decision, and soon become his very bitter bride.

I must leave you now, my tormented half human – half ogre child,

My ogre hunger for a very fresh cookie now quite naturally grows;

You wouldn’t happen to have any fresh ones on you, would you?

I fear the cookie I’m carrying is quickly rotting with rancid mold.”

Can You Feel the Ogre King’s Love Tonight?

I Wonder if the Queen Can Finally Feel it, Too,

Now That She Finally Knows the Truth She Seeks.

Will she now reform, seek true happiness,

And end this bloody war?

Or will she remain her obviously very stubborn,

And extremely tormented ‘torn between two worlds’ self,

Now knowing that a very hellish fate may soon await her?

Please Stay Tuned for the Queen’s Epic

And Probably Mind Boggling Response

©2006, Compelled to Be Honest Ogre Ed,

Who Was Once Known in the kingdom,

By the Name of Edward the Earnest,

Son of Richard the Righteous,

Grandson of Hugo the Honorable,

And Brother of Frumpalina the Flirt.

Have I mentioned that it was my evil sister, Frumpy,

Who talked my mother into abandoning me in the woods?

Both my dear old Dad, and my very honorable old Grandfather

Were gallantly off fighting in the Cookie Clone Conflict at the time.

Grandad Hugo was 97 years old during that treacherous war.

But he knew deep in his noble old heart and soul,

That he had to try to stop the Evil Queen A TTACK,

At any conceivable cost.

And now, I, Ogre Ed, Hugo’s grandson,

Have vowed to stop her extremely tormented,

Half human – half ogre daughter,

At any conceivable cost to myself.

The entire future of Cookieville depends on it.