Have You Ever Felt Dead?

Perhaps From Overindulging?

Now Just Lying Around the House

Not Feeling Like Doing a Darn Thing?

Too Bloated and Too Uncomfortable

To Really Feel Like Having Any Fun?

Too Miserable To Write Another Poem?

Well That’s How This Society Was Begun

It Occurred To Me That Even Dead Poets

Should Still Be Given Every Opportunity

To Enjoy Themselves as Much as Possible

So I Decided to Start ‘The Dead Poet Society’

Right Now I’m Recruiting New Members

And I’ve Decided to Sponsor a Summer Cruise

I’ve Even Enlisted Several AD Poets Whom I Admire

To Help Even We Dead Poets Get Rid of Our Dead Poet Blues

So If Any of You Poets Out There Are Feeling Kind of Dead Too

Please Consider Climbing Aboard - Our Very First Dead Poet Cruise

Seven Fabulous Days and Nights

Cruising Along in Absolute Ecstacy

 In the Vast Eerie Bermuda Triangle

Aboard an Authentic Pirate Ghost Ship

-The Black Cookie-

Rest Assured That the Staff Aboard This Cruise Ship

Truly Knows How to Care For Your Every Bloody Need

(They’ve been doing it for at least the last 300 years, you see)

And Matt Miller, the CEO of

The Dead Poet’s AD Bookstore Section

Has assured me that you will all have a

Ghoulishly Good Time, at Significant Savings.

He’s Offering:

Specially Discounted Books in the Ship’s Creepy Cargo Hold Bookstore

&

Free Bloody Marys – All Bloody Week Long – To All Book Purchasers

Captain of Your Cruise Ship - Ed Matlack, AKA, Captain Sprinkles

Ship’s First Mate – Rufuz

Ship’s Purser – Matthew Miller

Cruise Catering – by ‘Good’ Queen A Pax

And The Queen Assures Me

There Will Be Plenty of Delicious Moldy Cookies On Board

For Everyone to Enjoy, All Week Long.

The Queen’s Only Stipulation – No Cookie Bags – Please!

(She Gets Very Possessive of Any Cookie Left Overs,

And Really Likes to Mother Them)

Nightly Dinner Prayer Recitals

 By George Carroll & Rhonda Galizia

(I Think We’ll Really Need These)

(And Both Rhonda and George will be on 24-Hour Call

Should Things Really Get Out of Hand on This Cruise)

And Our Dead Poet Entertainment Director, Ed Kostro,

Has already booked some truly fabulous entertainment for you:

The All New Boo-kee Woo-kee Boo-Gee Band Review

 Performing Nightly in the Ship’s Putrid 300 Year-Old Nightclub

Presented By Slinky Stinky Pinky Tinky Boukes

And her 3,000 Year-Old Boo-kee Woo-kee South African Zombie Band.

(They Are Excellent!)

Tinky will also be selling Dance Tickets

At Ghoulishly Affordable Prices, I Might Add:

For Handsum Hart, Jay Chattin, and Robert Jude Forese

(Come On, Ladies, You Can’t Afford to Miss an Opportunity

To Boogie the Night Away With These Three Poets)

A Sing-A-Long - All Bloody Day and Night Long

With Katy Walsvik, in the Pirate Pub’s Kreepy Krawly Karaoke Korner

“If my version of Me Irish Eyes Are Slimin don’t move ye, Yer Really Dead!”

(Special Happy Hour Drink Prices For The Little People)

Drop Dead Comedy Routine

Two Shows Nightly in the Ship’s Lizard Lounge

Starring The One and Only Andy James Turner

“E Gads, You Bloody Yanks in the audience look a bit pale this evening!”

“And, You! Yes, You, Way in the Back There!

Chin Up, While I’m On Stage, You Bloody Blighter.

Oh, sorry ‘bout that, old chum.

That chap doesn’t have a chin; No Bloody Face either.

But I bet he was once Extremely Good Lookin – Just Like Me!”

Crypt Side Story

A Fabulous New Play in the Ship’s Theatre in the Ground

Produced by, Directed by, and Starring - Regis Auffray

 “It’s loosely based on West Side Story, of course,

But with far grittier, much more down to earth characters.”

Poetic Femme Fatale Mud Wrestling

Energetic Eileen Takes on Kate ‘The Brit’ Burnside

Every Afternoon in the Ghost Ship’s Really Corroded Old Gym

Eileen Says,

“I want that Brit – Face Down - In the Mud – Right Now!”

Kate Says,

“Well! We’ll Just Have to See About That; Now Won’t We, Dearie?!”

(I Have a Feeling that This Epic Showdown

Between These Two Lively Poets Has Been Building

Since Way Before The American Revolution)

Dead Critter Tricks On The Ship’s Dirty Disgusting Dining Deck

 Featuring Ed Kostro and His Horrifying Assortment of Creepy Crawlers

“You never know what might slither through your soup during this dinner show!”

Killer Kate Clifford’s Top Ten Killing Techniques Demonstration

Presented Every Afternoon at The Ship’s Extremely Stagnant Pool

(She Asks Live Audience Members to Volunteer for Her Demonstration,

And Presents Them with Fabulous Ship’s Prizes – Should They Survive)

Twin-K Your Way Through the Triangle’s Terrifying Lights

Presented by Karen and Karla

“Zappingly Good Show! We guarantee you’ll get a charge out of this one!”

(Rumor Has it That Paul ‘Sparky’ Williams Has Just Joined the Act, too)

Erotic Horror Movies in the Ship’s Rancid Rat Infested Movie Theatre

Hosted by:

The Winner Of Each Afternoon’s Femme Fatale Mud Wrestling Event

“I guarantee you’ll need a cigarette,

and Either A Yankee Doodle Bloody Mary Chaser,

Or a Calming Cup of Earl’s Grey Crypt Tea,

(Depending on Who is Hosting That Night)

After watching any of these fiendishly fleshy flicks.”

And Being Offered Every Afternoon in the Ship’s

Lop Sided Lucifer Library,

Dead Poet Society Recitals and ‘How To’ Seminars:

Dream & Nightmare Interpretations  – Presented by Robert Jude Forese

Ghost Writing ‘Tres Linhas’ Poems for Fun and Profit – Presented by Joseph

Dead Poets Can Still Have Fun Trekking Through the Woods

Presented by Chrissy McVay

How To Pen Drop Dead Voodoo Blogs & Bayou Banshee Poems

 Presented by Nordette Adams

(She Says She’s Got All the Latest Drop Dead Gossip on Oprah, too.)

Native American Wisdom Can Help Dead Poets Cope

Presented by Dove & Reindeer

And, This Just Confirmed:

Even Dead Poets Can Write Romantically

If They Just Keep Their Heads About Them

Presented by Sir Peter Paton

As an Added Cruise Bonus, Ron (Sketchman) Axelson

Will be floating around the ship all week long,

Sketching Eerie Shadows of Your Once Former Selves.

And Sherry Heim, AKA, Tabloid Reporter Mighty Read,

Will be hovering about all week collecting very juicy gossip,

And snapping some really horrid pictures of everyone on board.

The very best sketches and photos will then be showcased on:

Theresa Jodray-Koch’s Fabulous Paranormal Website.

Dead Poet Travel Club Editor,

Anna Marie Fritz says, “I’m Tickled to Death

To Be in Charge of the Dead Poet Cruise Newsletter.

Anna Marie’s Pet Flock of Really Dead Crows

Will be Delivering This Newsletter Very Soon

And:

All This Can Be Yours For Only:

$3,000 per Dead Poet Society Member

(One Bed Bug Infested Bunk & All Moldy Meals Included)

Living Significant Others – Only $1,500 Additional

(Please Note: You Will Receive a 50 Percent Discount

Should Killer Kate Do Them In At Her Afternoon Poolside Show)

And Your Very Own Chance to Meet

Captain Sprinkles & First Mate Rufuz

- Priceless -

©2006, Dead Ed,

President of the Dead Poet Society,

But Barely Creeping Along These Days

And If I’ve Offended Anyone,

You’ll Just Have to Live With It,

I’m Already Dead

Thank You,

And I Hope To See You

On This Cruise

Even We Dead Poets

Deserve To Get Rid of The Blues