“Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other;

Perhaps they should live next door, and just visit now and then.” 

Katherine Hepburn

The stress of our moving to a new home

Has really affected my now frazzled wife

So of course she has been henpecking me

Which has really been adding to my strife

Besides demanding that I install an expensive new toilet

She’s been insinuating that I’ve become an outdated man

She claimed I needed to shave and buy some new clothes

And none of the above items were ever in my moving plan

But being the extremely loving husband that I am

Yesterday I rushed off to a crowded shopping mall

There I got a new suit and a shave and a fancy haircut

Three things that I really didn’t believe I needed at all

And now that I was all spruced up

I rushed over to the Home Depot

I bet I really dazzled the sales clerk

When I ordered our new toilet ‘To Go!’

Then I quickly rushed back to our home to install it

In my haste I never bothered to change my new clothes

After eight hours of sweat and toil working on the plumbing

My new haircut and suit had quickly become both filthy and old

When my spouse finally returned home about seven

I proudly showed her the new toilet I had just installed

“Now that you’ve finally got that first task done, Mister,

You should get a haircut and some new clothes at the mall!”

Women…

I now believe that actress Katherine Hepburn Was Definitely Right;

I Think I’ll Move into the Outhouse – and Just Visit Every Other Night

©2006, A Very Dirty and Disheveled Mr. Ed

(And I Now Plan To Stay Exactly This Way,

No Need to Spruce Up Living in an Outhouse Everyday)

I wonder if I can cram a fridge, a microwave, and my computer in here…

And I bet the hellish hounds will want to live out here, too…

Hmm…I better start building a much larger outhouse;

A man’s work is just never done.