My Lovely and Demanding Apache Spouse

Insisted That I Write This Particular Memoir,

After Finding This Old Ed Family Photograph,

And After Reading Indian Brother Ed’s Remarks

Regarding One of His Very Recently Posted Poems.

“Sioux Brave Brother Ed no speak of Apache,

Because Apache like to wear moccasins

With turtle shell tip,

And like to kick Sioux in the groin.

Sooooooooo, no talk no Apache.
Ouch!.....Heee Haugh!”

Indian Brother Ed

I will never forget that extremely confusing summer

The constant bickering between my two Brothers Ed

Their extremely loud and bitter taunts to each other

Still echo so painfully through my Pee Wee Ed head

“Today, Boys, we are playing Cowboys and Indians!

So Pee Wee and Jersey, you two will be the Cowboys,

And I, Indian Ed, will be the courageous Sioux warrior,

Who finds love with some Cherokee maidens – Oh, Boy!”

“Now just hang on one danged minute there, ole Injun Ed,

Today, we’ll be a playin Pirate, on my Devil’s Pirate Ship,

And you two are just gonna have to walk the plank again,

Or I’m not gonna share these Ho Hos & Chocolate Chips!”

Alas, we never did get to play much at all that hot summer

And it got to the point that I didn’t know which hat to wear

So I just started wearin both my Pirate Hat and my Stetson

And that’s why I still have so many problems now, I swear

My wife constantly complains about my attire to this day

She says I will often put on a suit and tie to fix a leaky toilet

And somehow, I often now appear in old greasy bib overalls

When she invites in her extremely snobby Country Club set

And I just keep telling her that it’s my two brothers’ fault

Because with the two of them, I just never knew what to do

They got me so danged mixed up that awful, dreadful, summer

I still don’t know what to wear, which really makes my wife blue

And if you look at this old photo, you can actually see,

That both of them had facial hair much sooner than me.

And so, I hate shaving now too, which also really aggravates my wife,

But it must come from these experiences with Brother Eds in my life.

©2007, Mr. Pee Wee Ed

“How Was That, Sweetie?”

“I guess that will have to do, my husband, Pee Wee Ed;

Now go finish your chores, or I’ll smack you in the head.”

“Yes, My Apache Love Bug...”

(Hey, they don’t have to live with her – these two very wacky brothers Ed;

But I do – and she even wears those razor sharp turtle shell shoes to bed)