When all through our house,

Not one creature was stirring,

Not even my exhausted spouse.

Gift boxes and wrapping paper

Were still scattered all about,

Everyone in our large household

Had quite a Christmas without a doubt.

And we had all overindulged again

On another fabulous Christmas feast,

It was definitely now time to slumber,

For both we humans and our furry beasts.

Now, the critters were nestled, snug on my chair,

While visions of dreamland, crept under their hair.

My wife in her warm 'kerchief, and I in my wool cap,

We had all finally settled down, for a long winter's nap.

When up in the bathroom, there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from my chair, to see what was the matter.

Up that long winding staircase, I now flew like a flash,

I tore open that bathroom door, and I heard her so crass.

“This damned old toilet’s stopped up again,

I think one of your critters must be to blame!”

So, in a matter of only a few more minutes,

From the shed, my plumbing tools now came.

The brilliant color of ‘that stuff’ in the bowl,

Gave an unsavory luster of two objects below.

And very soon, to my old plunger should appear,

A very soggy pet toy, with rubber antlers – oh, dear.

I knew in an instant, that it had to be one of our dogs,

So I called them by name, from their beds by the Yule log.

"Yo, Turbo! Yo, Blanca!

Yo, Junior, and Young Tater!

You better get your butts up here,

Much Sooner, Than Sometime Later!”

But they all now so quickly dashed away,

Dashed away, dashed away, down the hall.

And when I reached down into that old bowl,

I now found an old chewed up, water-logged ball.

And now, in a twinkling, I heard her very loud sneer,

“Ho, Ho, Ho!  Are you havin lots of fun yet, Dear!?”

So as I drew up my hand,

And I was turning around,

I tossed that soggy old ball at her,

And it clung to her head, like a crown.

“Ho, Ho, Ho!”

It was now my very joyous turn to yell out.

But then I realized in a most horrifying instant,

Now, I’d be in the doghouse, without a doubt.

And I heard her haughtily exclaim,

As I very sheepishly crept out of sight:

"Enjoy your stay in the doghouse, Mr. Fixit,

I hope you and those mutts, have a real good night!"

©2007, A Now Frost Bit Mr. Ed

At Least I’ve Got Cable and The Internet,

In The Old Dog House In The Yard;

But It’s So Danged Cold Out Here,

This Old Chew Bone’s Already Hard

And I Sure Hope She Remembers to Feed Us Today;

And Now, For a Really Warm Sunny Day, I Pray