23 days…
Today I am such a sad man; seems no matter how hard I have tried to let this go I cannot. It’s not because people don’t care…so many of you have held me up in friendship and prayer…yet oh so many still come and in their own wisdom say…. let it go…move on… it is a brand new day. Oh how I wish I could…oh HOW I wish I could.
I am blind for I cannot see; I grope in silence; I weep at His feet.
No words or thoughts of this heartache could I every fully explain.
All I know…is the lonely silence; All I feel is the empty emotional pain.
It’s been 23 days since the joy of my heart gasped in my arms and died.
23 days that I have put on a brave face, yet to still sit in my silent world and cry.
My hope lies in God and I know that He loves me; yet I feel so desperately low.
Eight weeks I lay on the floor by sweet Leah’s side.
Eight weeks of tending to her both day and night.
I bathed her; cleaned her and offered her my smiles and hope.
I watched her crumble day by day; I watched her as her spirit let go.
These eyes of mine; oh these tired and weary eyes.
They have seen too much suffering in their day and time.
“Hold on” “look up” “be as strong as you can”.
“Don’t cry” don’t weep” “Come on…be a man”.
I need so much; I need so little; I just need the grace of Leah’s hands.
It’s so dark…its so very dark; such sadness prevails in my tiny land.
So many good friends have stayed strong for me by my side…
Rhonda…Joe….Karla…Ed…Karen just to name a few…but dear Lord
The emptiness of it all is taking its toll on my heart and mind.
Maybe tomorrow will be a better day, maybe some comfort will come my way.
I guess after all these years I am just afraid to be old and alone.
For twenty two years I had the ear of my wife morning noon and night and she mine.
Yet the silence has been most unbearable and even the voices of crowds empty and unkind.
Enough is enough from the sad little words of this heartbroken man.
Even our cat China refuses to eat...even he in his little kitty world does not understand.
I am so sorry this poem turned out this way.
I shall go back now unto the dark silence.
I shall in prayer hope for a better 24th day.
J. Allen Wilson 10/1/08
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Go out and plant some seed,
Give to yourself a place to be,
A special place maybe for Leah, plant a tree...ED
And above all, please take care of yourself and "China"; thank God you still have each other! And you have us here! :)
We love you, (((Sweet Man)))!
(((HUGS))) and prayers, your friend in Texas, Karen Lynn. :( >tears! <
Heartshattering write!
My heart breaks for those cruel enough to say enough is enough - but most of all, it breaks for you, for having to hear it.
Enough is NEVER enough. You spent twenty two years with your lady at your side. You watched her health fade and held her in your arms as she passed.
It's going to take time. It's not going to be easy, letting go of what you had all these years, the love you had/have for her.
It's been 18 years for me, since Mom died, today would have been Daddy's 78th birthday had he not died back in May ... I miss them, still. Hard: can't imagine losing the love of your life: devastating! :(
All I can say is, Don't pay the naysayers any mind. They obviously have no clue. Lean on the Lord. Shove hard and hold on; cry if you must; shout if you must. Most of all, Take care of you. You are not alone - you have us. We're here for you.
If you need to talk, message board me: I'll answer. I'm here.
(((HUGS))) love and prayer, and tears, Karla.
So sorry you're going through this - China, too -
Ted