Ode to Jan:

How shall I begin? I met Jan about 10 years ago in an online chat, and we began talking on the phone. At that time, I was dating another woman on occasion. She was a retired English teacher who lived on a farm in the country on about 50 acres of land with horses. I used to love to ride horses. All the while, Jan and I were talking on the phone and had yet to meet. I found our conversations enjoyable, for laughter filled her voice. In the meantime the other woman bluntly asked me one day while we were on a date to move in with her and even went as far to tell me I could quit my job; she had plenty of money and I would never have to work again, and I could pursue my dreams. Jan on the other hand was a widowed woman working three jobs just to support her and her teenage son.

Even though I had had not yet met Jan in person, I was enamored with her optimism with life despite her hardships. Eventually I arranged a date with her on a Sunday for lunch. I knew deep down in my heart that first date that I was already in love with her. However, temptation still pursued me, but I could not live a lie. Sure, never have to work again was appealing, but in my heart, I could not wake up next to a woman each morning and tell her I love her when I did not. Therefore, The Journey of Allen and Jan began.

Attributes of Jan:

*She laughs despite the hardships that surround her.

*She stands beside me in in all my troubles and still loves me despite them.

*She is critical of my negativity and makes me laugh at myself in spite of myself.

*Her love for me is undying and if I went to hell, she would follow to save me.

*She is my only ray of sunshine in my dark and often cruel and dismal world.

*She is able to turn our trips into a traveling comedy show.

*She is outspoken and blunt, yet delivered with a hidden compassion for me.

In conclusion, she is all that I could ever ask for. She is my rock in which this my broken soul stands on. Without her in my life I truly believe that I would quickly succumb and become a distant memory for some in this wicked game we call life. There would be old photographs with me in them and people would ask, “Who is that person”? Shrugs of shoulders would follow and the photograph would be then filed away and forgotten and nevermore to be seen. I would be like the wind. I would be present yet unseen. Jan is the only reason that I feel Alive. If you remove her, then you remove me. Sadly, at present we have such little time together. I hope to one-day see that change. I truly do for she is the reason I still hang on and exist.

J. Allen Wilson © 6/2019