This is what I intended for the other poem to communicate. But I didn't do a very good job. Here's a re-write.
Payne's gray pavement.
White lines travel through the center
of bleak asphalt.
Only narrow strips of light hold her focus.
A contrasting ribbon looks connected
from a distance, like her deceiving persona.
but the monotonous repetitive patterns
quickly break apart as she breaks in despair.
Spheres of lights flicker
against black mountains
as she moves toward a desolate destination.
Thin utility lines flow with hills and valleys
like her fragile life lines.
They abruptly extend to the other side,
crisscrossing patterns of confusion.
A sepia photograph on a sunless day
a moment in time.
A life, burned around the edges.
My goodness... how weird...this makes me go all squiggly-wiggly in the light of my Who write, which I posted on Tuesday, not having read Time's Highway; the collective consciousness never ceases to amaze me. This is brilliant poetry, Janet, and I find it difficult to find the words to express how I read it as so many images you use pick up on things that my own write was perhaps subliminally expressing. I like the hope attached to the final image a lot: a life IS indeed often like an unexplored treasure map... well, that's my hope and I'm sticking to it! :)) TY for this thought-provoking poem. Gives me personally much to think about. Grace, peace and blessings to you and yours in the coming year, Janet... much beauty, too, from your remarkable pen and paintbrush. LOL Kate xx
I once traveled a whole lot, and after a while all the roads looked the same to me. You've managed Janet to produce those memory photos well. Sharply and colorful. I like home, now that I've had the opportunity to have one!
Thanks for the sharing Janet! and Happy New Year!
I like the re-write and it's way more personal than before....whereas the first one was "monotone", this one is many shades of gray....as life's highway often is.
I see a more personal analogy of the journey alongside ones emotions echoing the story of the traveled highway.I like it a lot,Janet I'm envious of how you can improve on what was to me already a fine write.;-)...the artist in you loves to create...
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Enter the pages of diaspora in quiet introspection. Bathe your thoughts with subtle humor; synchronize your spirit-sense with history-in-heat; fall headlong with eyes wide open into
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Thanks for the sharing Janet! and Happy New Year!
Lisa
Love,
Eileen