pretty Jeff, I have written one or two, but I was never able tofit perfect iambic pentameter into it, I had some startrekkian clingon version instead, siles, al
Ahhh, now I understand. I have written a few sonnets, but I never took into account iambic parameter. Thank you. I see now it is all a mathematical equation.
~ Sara
Reviewed by Floria Kelderhouse (Reader)
Reviewed on December 13, 2003
The ending couplet is wonderful Jeff...I have done a few....wish I had time now...I have a friend who has written hundreds of them and I am attempting to bring her to AD...lovely work here...have a great holiday friend...floria
Reviewed by Vesna Perkovic (Reader)
Reviewed on December 12, 2003
..I'm not even going to try..sonnets are for Poets..I'm just one who writes what I feel..no rules.etc..
..this sonnet is a wonder..salutations!! Well done!!
Vesna :)
Reviewed by *********** ********** (Reader)
Reviewed on December 12, 2003
I've written a few sonnets...I may have a go ;)
But shhhhhh I'm still away.
You did a gorgeous job on this I really loved stanza three..Such beauty in words is to be rewarded...ty, Dani
Excellent, Jeff. This is the type poetry I like, descriptive and loaded with feelings.
Reviewed by Lady Peg (Reader)
Reviewed on December 10, 2003
Jeff,
Beautiful verses.
"Our light is fading fast so hold me close.
Your touch will lead my thoughts in flawless rhyme.
Elixir of divine and perfect dose,
I need to dance with you one final time"
Thank you, Jeff. I've never written a sonnet before, and I've been thinking I should experiment with one. You're so strong to put yourself out on the line like this, but your experience is now mine, because in reading Andre's comments to you, I reread the poem, and it made sense to me, and it taught me something. The world wasn't created in one day, neither should the precious thoughts we like to pen. I like this sonnet. I like your sentiment throughout, and it taught me something. Thank you very, very much.
Carmen
Reviewed by T. Emilie Dybevik (Reader)
Reviewed on December 8, 2003
Jeff, I love the idea of this. I love your work...this is why, not bad for a lunch hour ditty. YOu did this with the poem that won the contest too. You are so brutally honest with yourself to US READERS...it is unreal almost. You expose this to the public so openly. I admire and respect that. It shows your love for the pen and respect for the poetry and work. Regardless of how it is worded and how youare cleaning it-- divine images come to mind. That my friend is skill. ~Applause~
Nice suggestion. I put it together on my lunch hour, so as I said, I may revise it; and what you've suggested is a re-ordering that I was already considering. So, it must be true that "simple minds think alike." :)
Yes, You have to work this "Falling out of Place (Sonnet).
The first Stanza for example, it must be checked. The first verse-line is pure prose; the second and fourth verse-lines, "correction" for the first pentameters is imperative.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < <
I need to dance with you just one more time,
Our light is fading fast so hold me close.
Your touch will lead my thoughts in flawless rhyme,
Elixir of divine and perfect dose,
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < <
Our light is fading fast so hold me close.
Your touch will lead my thoughts in flawless rhyme,
Elixir of divine and perfect dose,
I need to dance with you just one more time.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < <
Before our light fades.... < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < <
You will find the right placement for the above lines, and the replacement for some words when You read them.
This is absolutely beautiful, Jeff; thank you for sharing! You will be missed here at the Den; please do come back soon okay?? (((HUGS))) and much love, your friend in Tx., Karen Lynn. :D
I'm not too sure re-writing this over and over will do much - but it's just that I believe a poem is as it comes out. I don't think I've ever revised a poem, and you have a knack and talent for writing (obviously).
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~ Sara
..this sonnet is a wonder..salutations!! Well done!!
Vesna :)
But shhhhhh I'm still away.
You did a gorgeous job on this I really loved stanza three..Such beauty in words is to be rewarded...ty, Dani
Happy Holidays, Janet xoxoxoxo
Beautiful verses.
"Our light is fading fast so hold me close.
Your touch will lead my thoughts in flawless rhyme.
Elixir of divine and perfect dose,
I need to dance with you one final time"
Peg
Carmen
Thank You,
Emilie
The first Stanza for example, it must be checked. The first verse-line is pure prose; the second and fourth verse-lines, "correction" for the first pentameters is imperative.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < <
I need to dance with you just one more time,
Our light is fading fast so hold me close.
Your touch will lead my thoughts in flawless rhyme,
Elixir of divine and perfect dose,
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < <
Our light is fading fast so hold me close.
Your touch will lead my thoughts in flawless rhyme,
Elixir of divine and perfect dose,
I need to dance with you just one more time.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < <
Before our light fades.... < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < < <
You will find the right placement for the above lines, and the replacement for some words when You read them.
Andre Emmanuel Bendavi ben-YEHU
I adore it!
Blessings + Brittany
www.brittanyrenee.com
Reindeer
Please do take good care of yourself!!
Touching words you penned....made me kinda sad to let you go!!
But enjoy yourself to the fulest my friend!!
Love Tinka