How often can the heart become disappointed? One Two Three Trillion times As much as it takes to distinguish A true source From one that half-heartedly tries, but can’t come through Because it doesn’t know how to… learning must come without you Seek the true source When really looking for God's Love Force Everyone comes to it in our own way…
i really like the question you pose in the first line...
how often can a heart find disappointment...
i like your listing of one two three and almost even like the idea of it being trillion times... not just once, twice, three times.
but from there i am not 100% that your words and ideas are as glued together as you think they.
to me this piece goes all over the place.
maybe a little more punctuation would help.
i find the line
As much as it takes to distinguish
A true source
From one that half-heartedly tries, but can’t come through
Because it doesn’t know how to
quite hard to get my mind around to be honest. i think it could be broken up or written better to make the idea clearer because i think you have a good idea you are trying to get across its just a little muddle right now...
and true sources are hard to distinguish at the best of times.
things that can be right under our nose but seem to obvious or taken for granted... or perhaps a random interaction which made no sense and therefore wasnt taken as we ought to have taken it...
the love force seems a little too hazy for me though...
i dont know what you mean by it and so i think, since prolly everyone would think something completely different when reading those two words together, you should prolly expand on that idea a little further so that the reader can find an appropriate context to put the piece into...
Note: Since my husband's cancer surgery 4/25/05, this book content has been integrated into the public speaking content for audiences interested in a sassy approach to personal and/or community awareness events. Another chapbook on intimate love poet
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I guess as long as we allow it!!
Love Tinka
how often can a heart find disappointment...
i like your listing of one two three and almost even like the idea of it being trillion times... not just once, twice, three times.
but from there i am not 100% that your words and ideas are as glued together as you think they.
to me this piece goes all over the place.
maybe a little more punctuation would help.
i find the line
As much as it takes to distinguish
A true source
From one that half-heartedly tries, but can’t come through
Because it doesn’t know how to
quite hard to get my mind around to be honest. i think it could be broken up or written better to make the idea clearer because i think you have a good idea you are trying to get across its just a little muddle right now...
and true sources are hard to distinguish at the best of times.
things that can be right under our nose but seem to obvious or taken for granted... or perhaps a random interaction which made no sense and therefore wasnt taken as we ought to have taken it...
the love force seems a little too hazy for me though...
i dont know what you mean by it and so i think, since prolly everyone would think something completely different when reading those two words together, you should prolly expand on that idea a little further so that the reader can find an appropriate context to put the piece into...
but good work.
keep it up.