Dedicated to my friend and sister, Alex.

Why Can't I just die?
by Barbara Lynn Terry

Oh why can't I just die?
Why can't I just end it all?
Here are the reasons I can't, and why.
Life has treated me like a kickball,
Battered me in the head and all,
I have suffered sexual abuse,
I have suffered being beaten,
I have suffered emotional turmoil,
I have suffered psychological distress.

But through all of that, I have become strong,
And more determined to see my goals met,
I have taken stock in myself,
And even tho I do not like what I see,
I am determined to be the best I can be.

I was given a life so different from everyone else,
And I have suffered at the hands of society,
For being different and strange in their eyes,
That I have been so lost in all I endured,
But now I have found myself again.

I lost my faith in Jesus for many years,
But I found Him again through my tears,
And through my prayers to Him, I find,
That I am no longer in this bind
of being lost,
And I am no longer on the sea tossed.

I have sisters who do not claim me theirs,
But ever day I climb these stairs,
I do not give them any thought,
Because I am strong,
Knowing that what I am doing is not wrong.

Why can't I commit suicide?
Why can' I just end it all?
Because I am strong,
Because I will be the best woman I can,
Regardless if they all say be a man.

I will live the life God has given me,
And I will meet His challenges to be,
This wonderful girl in me.