I saw it. 

I did. 

Finally.

Just the other day,

I was sitting with you

in a restaurant

and I saw it.

It has been a point

of confusion to me

for quite awhile. 

I have pondered it

and considered it. 

I have turned it over

time and time

again in my mind.

I have,

at long last,

discovered the why

behind my pain. 

I have seen a

vision of explanation. 

I have looked

upon its image

and was immediately enlightened. 

Within the flash

of a second,

I received my answer. 

I was given the answer

to the riddle

that has for so interminably long,

haunted me.

The answer hurt

more than the question. 

The knowledge granted

in my brief epiphany

was not given as a blessing. 

It was a precise

and fatal blow

to my senses,

a blight to my soul

and came with such torture

and torment as to be indescribable.

I didn’t see a glimmer. 

I didn’t receive a glimpse

of it that

slowly came into focus. 

There was

no momentary flash

of knowledge

that faded slowly away. 

It hit me

rather like a ton of bricks,

truth be told.  

It sucked the air

from my lungs

and left them empty

and aching,

void and invalid.

Uncertainty was better. 

Doubt was a

glorious gift from god. 

Ambiguity was bliss.

Why you can’t seem

to be so deeply

and magically in love

with  me,

as I am with you. 

Why you can’t seem

to loose yourself in me. 

Why you can’t

become breathless

just from the brush of my hand. 

Why my kiss

doesn’t rob you of reason. 

Why you don’t tremble

when I touch you

and why a shiver

never runs up your spine

at my caress.

We were sitting there eating. 

Chatting and talking

about anything and everything. 

I looked over your shoulder

and there it was. 

I saw it.

I had my answer. 

Looking over your shoulder,

I saw it glinting in the light

and then everything

was clear and lucent.

It was a reflection.

It was my reflection

in the mirror. 

It was me.