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When I Laid Dying
By La Belle Rouge

From “Letters Of Love”

Just when I think it’s healed, this hole in my heart,
I have a thought of you, the you I thought I knew.
I smile with the remembrance that for a brief time
at least I thought I was loved the way I longed to be.
Just when I think I’ve reached the end of grief’s trail
something happens and whether joyful or sad
I want to share it with you, from habit, from need
but you aren’t there and blackness enters my soul.
If you could just have told me the honest “Why”
and not tried to make it seem like it was my fault,
maybe I could have laid all the questions to rest
along with our love. I made so few demands of you;
only first place in your heart and crumbs of your life.
How stupid of me, first place and crumbs are opposed.

But love is truly blind, and deaf and utterly dumb
not just in the speaking but in the intellectual sense.
Perhaps we want to be deceived, rather than alone.
It’s odd how when we are passing though death’s valley
we want to hold the hand of the one who promised
to always be there for us...but I had sent you away.
Even if I could, I would not have told you I was dying.
And If the honest truth be told, when I laid dying
it was your calm, reassuring voice I needed to hear.
it was the loving tenderness of your warm hand
I wanted to feel, gently holding my cold one.
I didn’t die, I wanted to, though I could lie, I won't
deny the chill, for I feel like a ghost already
I know I will always miss you but I’d rather
die without you.... than live on crumbs


6/26/2008 La Belle Rouge

“Poetry, Soul Whispers”

Music "Moonlight Sonata"