thankyou thankyou charlie for some very good constructive advice...exactly what i need and want to hear...pm

i like it too, light, breezy, and fun to read, brings the youth back in my life...its perfect the way it is
love and hugs
mary etta

I love your style too. Glad you popped in to say hi, because I'd forgotten about this light and breezy den of yours. I imagine this too is a gift to one of those youngster-friends of yours, if not, it should be. What I like best about this little ditty is that wide western twang throughout-- I believe it is fast becoming your trademark. This is fun-- very fun. I love that "legs long as wooden stilts" line. Now, I know that not everybody likes punctuation in poetry, and frankly, many times a poem reads better without it; however, in this case, I think it could only add to the poem. Some of the lines could be read different ways that aren't quite so charming as the intended outcome. An occasional comma, semicolon, quotation mark and capital letter here and there would bring out the flavor more, so to say. Let's take the fifth stanza, for instance. The first time I read it like this: "You could run with me the journey's..." and then I ran into trouble. I had to back up and try again: "You could run with me; the journey's never far or stay..." okay that was another pause till I figured out that I needed to pause after "far". See what I mean? I wouldn't change a single word of it, just give it definition through punctuation. Hand it to a friend to read out loud when you're done, and that way you'll know if you tweaked it perfectly, or if it needs some more.

I like this Snicklesnotz fella. Wouldn't mind taking some journeys with him myself. --Charlie

I love the sound of Simon Snicklesnotz. Children would love the name. With a bit of tweaking it could be made into a children's picture book. Laurel
Thanks for readying my poem, On Burying a Husband

This was an adorable write, Pat! Loved it!

Anna

Life is a journey to enjoy as is this poem. Patrick

this is great. Morgan

This was a lot of fun to read...nice pacing all the way through. As I read this twice I could not help but think of you running right next to Forrest Gump. Nice work.

Cheers,
Dan

Sound like Simon Snicklesnotz was a like like me back in tha day . . . Great little poem . . . I'm no longer posting, but until they take me off I'm commenting.