well, it's finally started to happen.
and i'm not real sure just how i really feel
about the change.
it's different, that's for sure/

i never thought it could happen.
but, i feel it goin' down.
slowly, well maybe not so slowly,
that feeling of not being able to live
without you
is slipping away.

it's almost as if i'm relieved.
there's a freedom.
there's less feeling of impending doom.
( what a sad way to describe our relationship).
maybe you felt that too.
maybe that's why you let it go.
maybe you felt it first.
less fear. less loss. less cling.

whatever it is,
it sure feels strange.
like it's ok.
but not ok.
like i'm ok.
but not ok.
like i'm whole.
like i'm less than whole.
like i'm lost.
but i'm found.
like i'm sad.
but i'm happy.

what a mess.
feeling such contradictions.
doesn't make for a lot of serenity.
but, it sure makes for some peace.

contradictions.
that's my life for now.
i am but i'm not.
i guess tha's ok.
it better be - that's the way it is.

i wish i could say i miss you.
but i don't.
i miss the idea of you.

i wish i could say i love you.
but i can't.
i love me too much for that.

i wish i could say something.
but i can't.

Copyright ©2002 steve patterson