I relived it all yesterday, that night
21 years ago and all you know nothing about.
Momentarily feeling sorry for myself again
that you had other plans or not and still
we are going separate ways, I stood balanced
on the precipice of thought, just as I had then,
standing there with my boy, telling you to come
eat pizza with us if you were being serious
and had no plans to celebrate. 

Did you know in that moment between
my invitation and your polite decline and our goodbye,
a river of truth ran through me and I could no more
stem its tide. I was minutes away from letting it all
spill out without a filter and damn the consequences
of rocking your boat. So what if I was to be
the cause of your shipwreck dream? Was not this
the truth of why we had come again to be? 
But I let it go and watched you go.

That night when I got home, tears fell.
I lay shaking, sobbing as I knew you knew nothing
of how everything came back to you for me.
Then I pulled myself together and I sang you
a love song and fell to my knees as I do
whenever it comes back to you. I whispered
a prayer and wrote you a poem. I thanked
God for my every remembrance of you.
And I dreamed of the day you remembered too.

So yesterday, I went about my life, feeding
the chickens, petting the dog, keeping the promise
I made to God. I took care of me, considering
as I sat in the bath where to move and what
to do next when again I have come to another
clean-slate beginning again in this story
without an end. I climbed into bed,
stories swimming in my head, adrift
on the seas of this timeless love.

Last night when I let go of it all, tears fell.
I lay shaking, sobbing as I knew you knew nothing
of how everything still comes back to you for me.
Then I pulled myself together and I sang you
a love song and fell to my knees as I do
whenever it comes back to you. I whispered
a prayer and wrote you a poem. I thanked
God for my every remembrance of you.
And I dreamed of the day you remembered too.

The reliving is what living this love
is all about, I suppose. And nobody knows
how it all goes when the clock stops and all
is revealed as more or less than what it seemed. 
So come get your love song. Hear now this prayer.
Read now this poem without rhyme or reason.
Remember the time, the place, and the season
when love ran out before us as we raced
to the beat of this love eternal. 

Meet me to sit with it and see what you see,
know what you know you have always known.
I have no need for a love song, no expectation of prayer.
We can toss all the poems to the wind from whence
they came. And as we come together, thankful
for presence if not remembrance, let us rest in this
moment of beginning again, however old we are.
With all that's been lost or is dying, stil in the end,
more than anything it's about the living again.