I have been asking what,
if anything, there may be to surrender
when it comes to you. Jesus
himself took me through planes
of body, mind, heart and soul.
We took inventory, then returned
to clear field of Spirit to review.

My body, once a minefield of memories
waiting to erupt and blow up anyone
who dared approach, was sufficiently
clear of memory of you. Where I saw
only all that was so lost to time and 
the absence of anyone to love what
was lost, I wanted to walk quickly by,
but he had me sit awhile and see
some day soon all things would be
made new and he promised me
that you would not reject me
for the way my skin sags or
my breasts have shriveled or
I have been worn by time
and treachery.

My mind, once lost to time and mired with
lifetimes of luggage, packed suitcases,
and all the reasons I gave myself
about why you never returned
to take me with you on the way,
is now a field of flowers bright in which 
I am content to dance with abandon, if alone.
Still, I saw myself dancing there, free but
taking great care to avoid the edge
of danger and the dark and storied forest. 

He took my hand and walked me into it,
showing me to set it free — every story
you once believed about me, even those
that stole my whole mind and left me 
so exposed and without the tools that
might have allowed me to do more
of what we came to do together by myself. 
He walked with me deeper into the woods
and we sat in darkness until I saw the light
spilling out in such a way that it no longer
mattered if you wished to keep your stories
or if you gave me back my mind. 

My heart, more difficult to be sure,
still beat wildly and ached at absence
of you but no longer turned to betray me
in favor of believing it can win your favor.
We navigated the years of shock and 
all that knocked me off course, the shutting
out and shutting in, the pain of all the ones
who did not remember me, who pointed fingers,
locked me out, or walked away. He turned 
to smile when all this fell away and only
a single white rose remained, and he 
handed my heart back to me, now
again a whole and living thing. 

The soul, my soul which is ours, was well
as it has ever been; yet it too had been silenced
by self and socieity, strangled through the years,
left voiceless, flightless for so long — only more 
recently set free and singing to remember
the tune we once sang together. Lifted
harmonies filled the room where we sat vigil,
listening for its true desire and all the life there
longing to be expressed. I wanted to know
how it would go, sneakily seeking to extract
some promise of reward after this journey
so exquisite yet excruciating. He said
he did not know and, laughing, bid me
release all expectation. And then,
like a bird, he let me go. 

In the field of Spirit now, we stood
encircled with great love, deep peace,
wide joy, full in the knowing and the not knowing.
I had arrived at then end or a beginning
again, complete and starting now again,
from this point of my life's review.