This really happened. I'm a Cardinal fin living in Royals country.

“Would you like to know how”, I asked one Sunday morn
As I was preaching to the crowd,
“to stay awake lying on the couch
while watching the Royals lose on TV?”

They hissed and booed and waved their hands
to show me they were displeased.
You see, I’m a Cardinal fan
in the midst of Royal country.

“Well,” I asked, “do you want to know
or do you just want to sit and boo?”
They shouted “tell us”,
not knowing what I would say.

“It’s simple,” I told them,
“so let me tell you how.”
“Lying on the couch, cradle a softball in your hand.
You hold that softball in the air
as comfortably as you can.
When you go to sleep,
as the Royals make you do,
the ball will drop to the floor
and will awaken you.”

A week later, my scripture was read
And my sermon was ready to go.
I opened my mouth and started to preach --
twenty softballs were cradled
as comfortably as they could.