I feel quite lost today.

I don’t know where I’m going

And I’m beginning to realize where I’ve been.

I thought I knew where

But I had deceived myself.

I’m often honest with others to a fault,

Yet, dishonesty with myself is a fault.

I feel out of place all the time,

A consequence of choices made—

Rendering myself, in steps, to fade

Into a different world than mine.

That’s why I’m lost—

Not being true to myself,

Changing myself for the woman I loved

And now her world is mine.

Yet, we do not operate in the same worlds,

As many things separate us.

Some things bring us together,

Yet, many things do not.

I feel quite lost in her world

As she feels quite shocked when seeing mine.

I live in a world with many rules,

Where coffee and tea are taboos

And finding wine in the fridge is a travesty.

I can’t buy stuff on Sundays

As that would be breaking the Sabbath.

My world is not so demanding,

Where an ice tea or frappuccino

On a warm day is nice

And a little vino with dinner is fine.

Her world is good intentioned,

Yet, we all know where that can lead.

Yes, there are healthy reasons

For the rules that she abides,

Yet, I believe any in excess

Is where the danger lies.

Besides, didn’t Jesus change the water into wine?

And he was himself accused of breaking the Sabbath.

I have a problem with certain rules,

No matter how well intentioned,

If they become more by the letter than the spirit.

It’s no wonder I’m quite lost,

As anyone who changes for someone else

Loses themselves in the process.

I’ve learned my lesson well,

But at what expense?

Losing myself, yes, and what other expenses—

I have only to find out.

Can I find myself again in my present world

Or must I cut ties or compromise?

Is the person I am now

Capable of making decisions for the one I’m not?

I am lost in a world not my own

And I do feel quite lost today.