The picture of health--
That’s what they told me you were,
when they hurried from the room with you…
            -hurried for my sake, not yours-
                 You were in no danger.

Saddened at the lost chance
to touch your new born soul--
oblivious to the call of death
                                    -for me…
                                                -for you…
                        I slept five hours,
                                    Dreaming of heaven, and you…

while unbeknownst to me, 
            I was crying pools of tears 

Twelve hours later
they used big words to tell me
your heart wasn’t whole…      

My mind, held in angels’ arms,
 When they gave me the news
                                    -of you…
                                                -of me…
Protecting my heart from the pain
            -the hurt would eventually come, 
              ripping through my consciousness –
              leaving Swiss Cheese holes in my heart…

But my heart must have already known
            -it had bled for you until it was drained
                                                                            Empty…
                                                                                        yet so full of void

I wanted to cry out!
Instead, I smiled…
            requesting to see you.  
Not understanding the effort it would take,
but knowing I needed you and you needed me--
            I begged for permission.

I couldn’t hold you--
            You were trapped in a world of machines
            paralyzing your body and heart,
            giving you your life’s breath.

I was trapped in my own world
            With no strength to give you- -
            only the brief touch of my hand 
            through the cold steel rails of our beds.

But in that brief moment of contact
I gained strength from you—
and a silent resolve
to hold you before you passed….
                        Away…
                                    Away from the world I had planned 
                                                            and hoped for
                                                                                    -for you…
                                                                                                -for me…
                                                                                                            -for us…

And hold you, I did--
Before your breath slipped away
in the dead of the night
                        I caressed your picturesque face 
                        and gazed at your moon shaped closed eyes—
                                      And dreamed…
                                                        of heaven and you

Your heart was not whole
     when you came to this world,
               but I lent you a piece of mine. 

And I carry a picture
in my heart and my mind:           
                        -A picture of health
                        -A picture of you