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I am fraught with rage, and pain, ‘tis true .
I understand why, and what I am to do.
I wish I were not, Lord knows I try,
to forget the cruel and useless prattle,
that in our minds converts to battle.
I am yearning needlessly to do my part,
as God speaks to me and directs my heart.
Yet how can I convince him too,
that we would both be better off to do,
in letting our God work it through?
The endless days lost in past memories,
of the things we used to do, together, he and I,
intensify the restless nights, that slip mercilessly past,
while I hang on strong, searching throughout information’s throngs,
analyzing, dissecting, and trying to emotionally last.
I realize I cannot do his part,
and though he is not thinking with his heart,
the clock ticks off the hours so slow,
yet cumulatively, the years grow old.
I surmise that one should not question,
the points of one’s life in which God gives direction.
However, the question seems to linger there,
Is this truly God’s will that is in the air?
It is hard to understand how the mind
and heart of one so good and kind,
can change to such a hard, harsh stance,
in just moments taken from our precious time.
Will God direct me now, I hope,
to sort things out, and do more than cope,
with the hardened hearts that hurt has left,
with the ashes of a heated love, now dashed?
I surrender Lord, my shattered heart,
that has been tossed and torn apart,
for You to mend it, and paste it again whole,
until I can once again regain strength,
and gain some self-control.
Yet still then, protect me from further hurt and pain,
until Your strength and knowledge I gain.
I need you now, more than ever, Oh Lord.
Protect me, Divine One, while the rocky white rivers, I ford.
I know it has been You that has held me,
while all the others and time has failed me.
I anxiously await Your powerful healing,
while I remain steadily on my knees,
trying to stop my heart’s bleeding.
I understand Lord that you have a better plan,
If I can but keep my head up and stand.
After all, he can only do me worldly harm,
while You can take me from this world, and beyond.
I would rather kneel at Your Holy Feet,
and let You wipe my tears until dry,
than to keep on letting my heart get beat,
by a weakened man, too fearful to try
to live up to Your Will and Commandments,
in how to conduct our lives and our hamlets.
If he would just open his heart and mind to Your direction,
our love and marriage could reach perfection.
We were not that far from it one time;
when we followed You,
our love was sublime.
But now, the worldly sin and knowledge,
has corrupted his poor mind,
and what is left is pure corruption
of the love once strong, and kind;
for the honest, caring, devoted heart he could possess,
to this, his heart is blind.
It is easier to give up, than to try;
to be selfish, deceitful, and live a lie;
than to stay, and study, and kneel, and pray,
and listen for Your Voice, Oh God,
and stay.
I dedicate my heart, Oh Lord,
to You, my Creator, Guide, and Protector.
To You, I want to stay committed and remain,
in Your service and direction,
doing Your Will unto others,
helping to preserve the true message
that Your Blood covers.
By perpetuating Your Good Will and Hope,
I will stay busy and it will help me to cope.
Then perhaps the pain and suffering will dull,
as life dumps it’s pressures and pain in the hull
of a big ship that You send sailing away,
while together we stand on Your shores, waving it away.
Then, turning from the ocean of life,
to wade upon Your beautiful beaches,
the pain will no longer be reflected there,
and we have only to be renewed by
the freshness and fragrance of God’s pure air.
The warmth of God’s healing will cover us over,
and we will float, not walk, painlessly,
knowledgeably, over God’s hills of green clover,
and we will have only a faint, fading memory of,
the torment and pain, caused by all the lost lovers.
Yes, we will be endlessly renewed in Your Spirit;
we can sit down beside You, and ask, and now hear it,
the questions and mysteries in this world we have,
will all be answered, understood, and no longer sad.
For we will have served our purpose and fulfilled our chart,
and the rest will be Biblical History,
of which we now have played our part.
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