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Brandi L. Wroblewski

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Member Since: Oct, 2008

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Sinking Feeling
by Brandi L. Wroblewski → (All Poetry by Brandi L. Wroblewski)
   Rated "PG" by the Author.
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I know it starts out with all rhyming lines, but I liked the break up and spreading out into just every other line. I don't know, comments?

 

The hatred grew and took on shape
a vibrant reminder of the catastrophic weights
that were tied to your ankles as the waves crashed on
Hoping to be saved before the first light of dawn

The ocean shook and tossed you about
still keeping up with every withheld amount
of the love that you so modestly refused
Tripping over your tongue for some believeable excuse

The fury swelled and lost control
carefully depleting body, mind, and soul
devouring every semi-rational thought
Pleading with God to be found before you rot

But even he won't help a bastard
despite the bond you share
There's nothing now to save you
far too late for prayers

Crippling fear spreads through your body
the water soaks to the bone
Miles and miles from any civilization
completely and utterly alone

Try to get the weights to move
they will not give
Finally knowing what will happen
you shall not live

 


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 Reviews of "Sinking Feeling"
Reviewed by Regis Auffray
Reviewed on June 7, 2009
You express your message well, Brandi; and I think the style is fine. Thank you for sharing. Love and best wishes,

Regis

Reviewed by jude forese
Reviewed on June 6, 2009
hatred and fear always lead into unfortunate directions ... the off an on rhyme works well ...

Reviewed by Edwin Hurdle
Reviewed on June 6, 2009
This is very nice.I enjoy reading it.This style of poetry is just fine whether it rhymes or not :-).Be proud of your work,take care

EDWIN


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