Stand by your beds

The bombardier said,

And we leapt to our feet at attention,

While he ransacked our clothes

As he looked down his nose,

Saying things that are too rude to mention.

Each bed-block we’d made

And proudly displayed,

Was tossed on the floor in a heap,

Then he shouted, “Get this place clean!!

And by that, spotless I mean,

You slovenly Beep! Beep! Beep! Beeps!

Then he went round the room,

Spreading fear, dread and gloom

With a sense of impending disaster,

And a curse and a cuss

For each one of us,

Loud enough to shatter the plaster,

He said, “You’re not at home now,

With your Mom and your pals,

You’re soldiers, defending the nation,

Though God help us all

If the enemy calls,

And it’s you we look to for salvation.

Then he insulted our Mothers,

Our sisters, our brothers,

And suggested our Dads were not known,

Then he said, “You were willing,

To take the Queens shilling,

So your lives are no longer your own.

From now I’m your Mother,

Your Father, your Brother,

And everything else in between,

So you’ll do as commanded

Or be reprimanded,

Which means, I will tear out your spleen

Now get you boots shined,

And don’t whinge and whine,

And be out on parade in an hour,

Make sure your trousers are pressed,

With a crease, I suggest,

You, Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Shower.

Now young Freddie Burns,

Was a bit slow to learn,

And said that he’d like to resign,

Well the bombardier smiled,

As you would at a child,

Marched over and said, “Well that’s fine”

“You can resign yourself,

To improving your health,

By doing push-ups on the spot,

And the rest of you lads,

Will get what he has

If before getting to fifty, he stops”.

“Now, if there’s any complaints,

Which I’m certain there ain’t,

Please bring them to my attention,

And I’ll do my best

To relieve your distress,

By slapping your butt in detention,

He said, “Now I know what you’re thinking,

At least I’ve an inkling,

You’re wondering if your lives are now cursed,

You think things are harsh,

And I’ll admit that they are,

But believe me, they can only get worse.

So do as you’re told,

Be brave and bold,

And with that there’s no more I can say,

Except to welcome you here,

He said with a sneer,

On this, your first training day.

By

S.E.Ralph

8-10-2019