I've been thinking a lot lately about the problem of wanting.
I'm convinced that self control is the right answer,
and the acceptance of the fact that we simply cannot have
everything we want.
Yet I still struggle with disappointment and frustration.
I am haunted by desires that are never satisfied.
I try very hard not to want but I'm often unsuccessful.
Sometimes it seems that oblivion is the only answer;
that to stop the wanting I must make myself numb.
Alcohol can be a path to oblivion,
but it also takes away self control and inhibition.
You have to drink enough to not care anymore.
YOU HAVE TO ACHIEVE APATHY.


I've been relying on alcohol more and more lately
to help me deal with loneliness and despair.
Knowing the right answer isn't enough.
Self control can be difficult to obtain.
Desire is a powerful adversary.

I've come to rely on the Waters of Lethe.
My simple substitute for intimacy.
A secret place where I can hide.
The next best thing to suicide.