Playing Catch Up

I was never prepared for birth.

No idea had I of what lay ahead?

Safety and security, love warmth and companionship all seemed to come fitted as standard with my Mum and Dad.

I’ll prepared was I for growth.

Bullied at school, I found myself mystified by others hatred, confused by their jealousy?

Did not everyone have a loving family?

I had no answer to relationships.

Pretty girls attracted me but were as if from another world?

I knew not the answer to their questions nor had the skills to communicate my feelings to them.

Loneliness came hard to me.

One day, friends and childish ways just seemed to disappear.

Getting married, moving away or working were the common excuses.

Everyone had ‘moved on’ they said while I had remained constant.

I could not cope with responsibility.

Bills and rent to pay, deadlines to adhere to, legal business to attend to…

Too much, it was far too much to contend with and I was lost as a child in a busy market place looking for its mother and crying.

I shall never be ready for death.

So much yet to do, yet, so little I have done.

So much desire yet such frustrated passion.

No sons or daughters to sit upon my knee or buy Christmas presents for.

No wife to celebrate anniversaries with – nothing to mark the passage of time except the changing face of the person staring at me from the mirror.

I was never ready, nor perhaps would I ever have been.

How was it for you?