he spread a small blue tarp over the front seat
with yet another, he cocooned in fatal finale
once and for all, the civil gentle boy
gentle man
considerate of the unknown passer-by
who would trip upon “read me”

i do not know
once and for all
lingering with the tide
if he devoured the salty balm
of moment and infinity
wheezing through flared nostrils
pulling the inhale
pushing the exhale

i do not know
if he paused to listen
to the gulls' rapture
or let the wind intrude upon his meditation

and I do not know
once and for all
if there existed an infinitesimal dot of discernment
between the seduction of the trigger
and the beyond-regret impact

it does not matter
because
we could not gauge his pain
could not penetrate his sorrow
could not measure his torment

we could not know a soldier



copyright jeannerené july/2013
~for G. <3 ...  forever in our hearts