tug between independence and interdependence in a relationship

For years, I have carried my own leash.
I have pulled--tightly, firmly
When I was not being “reasonable.”

The leash was always with me
No matter what else lay in unsorted piles.

Now my neck aches at the thought of it.
Teeth bare when my hand reaches for it.
Growling takes over my throat.

But the chain has done its work
And I am held as tightly as if still bound.

If I burn my leash,
I will be a wild pony let free from its corral,
Taking food and drink when I need it,
Not when it is offered.

I will dash in all directions,
Feeling no tug, no pull.

I may be skittish around demands--
Fearing a noose drawn tight.

But after my body runs unharnessed
And I inhale deeply of that freedom--
Then, only then,
Will I choose
To sit still.

Only then will I know
That commands cannot force obedience.

I see no leash in your hands, Beloved.
But my memory fears “Come” and “Stay”.
I do not move.

You say, “Let’s go.”
I do not stir.

I will only move at your side
Do not ask more.