Will I Ever Have Closure?
By Barbara Lynn Terry


The things that happened to me in my life
were beyond my control. The bitter strife
I was forced to endure when I was but a child
should never have been because I was never wild.

I obeyed what I was told except for the one
thing that I had to be and that was this girl in me
but mother connived and my fate was done
and I was cast away like a stone in a pond.

In the institutions I cried and cried bitter tears
and was so afraid that I hid my constant fears
from those who would harm me
simply because they couldn't see the girl I be.

The abuses I suffered in these dark places
by those who have no faces
I should not have suffered at all
but should have been shopping at the mall.

Will I ever have the closure I so badly need?
The answer is no because no one will heed
the desperate cries of a little girl in bitter strife
who only wanted love and to live her life.

I will never have the closure so many others have
because mother never answered the questions I had
as to why she abandoned and disowned me
when all I wanted was to be this girl in me.

Why mother why, won't you give me the closure I need?
Please tell me what I did wrong in speech and deed.
Did you take out on me what my father did to you?
Do you hate me because of my male body too?

I have always been female in my soul
but I will never be complete and whole
because I cannot have the closure in my saddened state
because mother took those answers to her grave.

© 2010 by Barbara Lynn Terry

Barbara Lynn Terry