Some things, harder said than others
Like words spoken a hundred times
To deafened ears
You listen but never hear

The things I say and try to convey
I'm left to wonder, but not really
I say I don't know but I do and always have
You don't care

An no matter how much time passes
Or thick my glasses
I see but I am blind or choose not to look
At what is obvious in your obscurity

As such, time passes
Another day, a week, a year
Another heartache, a scream, a tear
And I long for what is lost
But I know the reality is
That it will never be found
For it never really existed

Except in my idealistic dreams
Of thoughts and memories
Acts created to amuse myself
As comfort for my tortured soul

Silly and irrational expectations
Of a person you never were
Nor will ever be
But you played the part perfectly

An illusory ghost
Chained to my past
Trying to direct my future
In half truths and failed promises

You haunt my dreams
And shadow my waking hours
I retaliate in fits of rage and anger
Sent outwardly but in reflection I see the truth
For they are spears and swords made ready
For my own calculated death
Ignoble and unworthy of a Samurai
There is no seppuku for me

Just a meager existence
in a life of lies
and a soul's dream
that will not die an honorable death

Instead we live and relive the same act
over and over and over
A warped record of misdeeds and misfortunes
Until it is broken and ceases to play

Do you wanna play, he says
And though I adamantly say no
It is but a matter of time before I succumb
and set the needle down for another go round

And I am sick and tired
of the repeated sound
And beg the breaking of the mechanisms
that repeat the same performance
Pray the ticket booth proclaims
SOLD OUT! Final Performance!

And at last I've earned
the standing ovation
for having come to a revelation
that you cannot play
without permission
And I, turned down the part

Sudo Nym ~ Poet in Motion
All Rights Reserved May, 2010