I never wore brown,
preferring black, basic and complete...
beatnik dreams from a place before my
time.

blue, yes, compliments
resounding in memory, basic and bittersweet...
fat girl's hurt, salved with colored
praise.

green, for the eyes
I saw reflected in mirrors, basic and what?
fat girl's "best point", a smile for that
cliche.

white, not often, hah!
never got that far, just dreamed
someday
a dress...?
a hope
a connection.

and then, you and I found
that dancing, spinning light and...!


your eyes, those smiling,
quizzical brown, deep brown really
looking at me,
looking within me...

I looked into them so often
into you. sought our hope?

we...
you always
held me close
you...
wanted me?!
and...

i...
i wanted you
and a dream.


and we were like children,
needing
to explore
a chance


"Brown 'silky-stuff' pajamas"
I said, and how you laughed
at that and how your laugh
was so soft

why can't I hear it anymore?

I think
that laugh
perhaps, was more a smile
at times...
those times,
alone... playing at sex and
love and
learning what we could,
bodies holding on to seek...

do you remember?

all those moments,
yes...
and all
those tears ... later?


it's ...DAMN, it's Valentine's Day, why?
my stomach aches
and...
and, today, god...today,
you are the past...
a dream
a memory
of...love?

I remember!
that bond, that smile, that
....time I wore brown.

you wore the bottoms
she, I... wore the top.
I wore
Your brown!
...and loved it

It was the best of us
sharing those pajamas.
It was the best of me...
how I loved them
as my own.
How I Needed them...
to prove You
were my own.

oh, they were so soft,
like those eyes
I would search
when we held each other
after sex
and
after soft laughter, skin
and breath
and our dewy bodies ...
clinging
again, all so soft...



but, then, I spun away, alone... dancing
into that spiral of darkness, blinded and cold and...
and...?



I never wore brown, preferring black,
basic and complete.


different dreams, a kind of lump
in my throat, but I
exhale.
yes,
for when..
when I wore brown,
the green-eyed, fat girl's
tears dissolved...
into a mirrored
ice-blue dress
gown,
yes... wedding.

disguised as a
young/old
remembered
ice-blue dream.

sweet, sad , silly
but still so real...
hopes and
a dream
of soft-spun
brown
silk...




~~~~