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Michael D. Schafer

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The Mad Mooner
by Michael D. Schafer   

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Amazon

Category:  Humor
Publisher: Alive Books

ISBN-10:  1631320580

Pages: 136

Copyright: 
Nov. 5, 2018
ISBN-13: 9781631320583


A collection of humorous poetry and poetic punmanship that will put a smile on your face and leave you laughing out loud.



Excerpt

Sharing some poems from my book "The Mad Mooner."

1. The Mad Mooner
2. Scared
3. Not Me


"THE MAD MOONER"
(A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT)

Citizens heed this warning,
The MAD MOONER is on the loose.
Quick as a wink, his pants are down,
And he shows you his caboose.

The MAD MOONER is out there,
Filling people with dread and fright.
He’s got lots of junk in his trunk,
And it’s not a pretty sight.

No one knows who he is,
Or who his next victim will be.
Every day he drops his drawers
And goes on a mooning spree

He’s made old women faint,
And children cry.
Seven men went blind,
And that’s no lie.

The police scratch their bottoms,
Trying to find this mooning maniac.
They’ve searched every derriere.
They’ve examined every crack.

They get behind every clue,
Looking for this backside malcontent.
They even brought in the butt hounds,
Hoping to pick up his scent.

So beware of the MAD MOONER,
Look away if his end is in sight.
Lock your windows and your doors,
There’s a full moon out tonight.


"SCARED"

I’ve got monsters in my closet,
And monsters under my bed.
They all have green hair,
Streaked with purple and red.

Those monsters tried to frighten me.
They grunted and they growled.
They showed their dripping fangs,
As they shrieked and they howled.

Those monsters tried to frighten me,
But I wasn’t scared.
I had seen my granny naked,
And nothing else compared.

I had seen my granny naked,
And lived to tell the tale.
I told the monsters why I wasn’t scared,
And the story left them pale.

The monsters understood me,
And why I wouldn’t scare.
Because, there’s nothing quite as scary,
As seeing my granny bare.

I’ve still got monsters in my bedroom,
But as friends invited in.
And as for me, I hope I never see,
My granny naked again.


"NOT ME"

Somebody made a mess,
It was there for all to see.
But when I asked who did it,
Everyone said, “Not Me.”

Somebody ate all the cookies.
Who could that crumb cruncher be?
But when I asked who did it,
Everyone said, “Not Me.”

Somebody broke the lamp,
And despite my earnest plea,
When I asked who did it,
Everyone said, “Not Me.”

Whenever there’s trouble afoot,
“Not Me” gets the blame.
Everyone’s sure he did it,
They’re quick to say his name.

I never seem to see “Not Me.”
I’ve never caught him in the act.
But everyone says he did it,
And that’s a finger pointing fact.

Should I ever catch this culprit,
I’ll give him the 3rd degree.
So far I haven’t had much luck,
It’s hard to catch “Not Me.”






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Reviews for "The Mad Mooner"

Reviewed by E Phillips 12/5/2018
I just read The Mad Mooner, and I'm laughing so hard tears are gushing from my eyeseyeseyeseyes and I can't seeeeeeee whhhaaatt I'm saaayyyyyiiiiinnnnngggggg. Help!
Reviewed by Jane Noponen Perinacci 11/28/2018
Fantastic, Michael!!! Congratulations! I love that crazy cover.

Love ya!

Jane
Reviewed by Ronald Hull 11/27/2018
Congratulations! I almost missed this, because when I go to the Books section it only shows me the last three submissions, but I scrolled down for some reason--intuition?--And found your first publication.

That's an interesting cover, reflecting your humor. I like the description, but I think the excerpt should be a couple of the poems that got a lot of readership. I think some of them might have even gone viral like the one I sent on friends and family last week.

Finally, if you got some reviews from some of the professional reviewers here on the site, you could quote them with their permission. And then later add professional reviews that you received from the book.

Good luck… Ron
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