A Line In The Sand

Copyright: March 22, 2007
Tom Hyland


After watching part of today’s “BULL-SHIT” session of Congress debating the bill about Iraq, I was thoroughly convinced of one thing – I’D LIKE TO PUKE!

Back and forth ‘who-struck-john’ with all the whyfores and wherefores of NON-DECISION – this is all these so-called representatives are capable of doing – ARGUING and DEBATING!

I often wonder whether or not they pay someone else to WIPE THEIR BUTTS? After all, that action would require a decision, wouldn’t it? Do I use the right hand, or the left hand? DUH! If one of them happened to be so unfortunate as to be ambidextrous – WOW! That would be a real delemma, wouldn’t it?

So, how about a FAILSAFE PLAN to help each and every one of them to take a solid stance and make a decision?

1. ALL 535 of them are put on a PLANE and flown to IRAQ.

2. ALL OF THEM ARE ‘SUITED UP’ in easily identifiable U.S.A. UNIFORMS, with the US FLAG DISPLAYED PROUDLY!

3. ALL OF THEM are treated EQUALLY, that is, as PRIVATES, there is no confusion about who is what level of Officer, or not.

4. EACH IS ISSUED the exact same gear: a 9mm GLOC, an AK-47, with 5 clips each, a Grenade Launcher, Full Field Pack, Steel Helmets, Body Armor, Water, Food Rations, and ANYTHING ELSE that the individual can CARRY BY HIM/HERSELF!

5. BIBLES, PRAYERBOOKS, CRUCIFIXES, CROSSES – are all OPTIONAL.

NOW WE GET TO THE NITTY-GRITTY REALLY GOOD PART:

6. EACH OF THE 535 CAN THEN OBEY THEIR OWN CONSCIENCE AND MAKE A SIMPLE DECISION:

A. SIMPLY WALK (don’t need to march, or keep step ) IN A STRAIGHT LINE, CARRYING ALL THAT HEAVY ‘CRAP’ IN THE HOT SUN, DIRECTLY DOWN THAT MOST DANDEROUS ROAD, FROM THE AIRPORT TO THE CENTER OF THE CITY OF BAGHDAD!

Anyone who makes it, on their own, without any help, can immediately SHED THEIR UNIFORMS, JUMP IN AN ARMORED HUM-V, SHOOT BACK TO THE AIRPORT, AND RETURN HOME AS A LIVE HERO!

They never ever have to WORK another day in their lives, and still COLLECT FULL SALARY PLUS ‘COST OF LIVING RAISES’ UNTIL THEY DIE OF NATURAL CAUSES! WOW! Sound good? OOPS! THEY ALREADY HAVE THAT! IT’S THE RETIREMENT PLAN THEY GAVE THEMSELVES AT TAXPAYERS’ EXPENSE!

OK-OK-OK, we’ll think of some other ‘PORK’ – OOPS! I mean ‘perk!’ How about some secretive, un-reported ‘kick-back’ income from every CORPORATION which they supported in the past? HELL! They already have THAT TOO!

FREE TRANSPORTATION? GOT IT! FREE POSTAGE? DITTO! I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW --- FREE BOSTON BEAN SOUP ( or is it baked beans? ) - ALREADY COVERED!

OK-OK-OK --- we’ll hold this other wonderful benefit in abeyance, until AFTER they make it back. As honest voters, we’ll eventually think of something nice, AFTER: debating all the pros and cons, considering alternatives, holding meetings and hearings, forming investigative committees, holding caucuses, and a few other delaying tactics that escape my feeble SENIOR mind at the moment – GEE, is that a ‘senior moment?’

B. OR – AFTER HAVING A PICTURE TAKEN BY ALL THE ASSEMBLED MASS MEDIA PHOTOGRAPHERS –

SIMPLY DROP EVERYTHING AND RUN BACK TO THE AIRPLANE – TO RETURN HOME IN DISGRACE!


THAT ‘LINE IN THE SAND’ WOULD SIMPLY BE TO SEPARATE THE ‘A TEAM’ FROM THE ‘B TEAM’ – SIMPLICITY AT ITS FINEST!


So, there you have it --- a simple solution as to what to do in IRAQ!

When the A TEAM returns from their FIRSTHAND experience, perhaps they won’t be so prone as to “DILLY-DALLY” with all their typical BULL-SHIT wastes of time, while OUR KIDS ARE DYING AND GETTING MAIMED!

In closing this rather awkward presentation, some song lyrics came to mind, something about ‘time’ and ‘turn’ --- so I GOOGLED IT – SEE PASTE!



THE BYRDS ---
Words-adapted from the Bible, Book of Ecclesiastes
Music-Pete Seeger

To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time for every purpose, under heaven

A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep

To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time for every purpose, under heaven

A time to build up, a time to break down
A time to dance, a time to mourn
A time to cast away stones, a time to gather stones together

To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time for every purpose, under heaven

A time of love, a time of hate
A time of war, a time of peace
A time you may embrace, a time to refrain from embracing

To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time for every purpose, under heaven

A time to gain, a time to lose
A time to rend, a time to sew
A time to love, a time to hate
A time for peace, I swear its not too late


TO THE 535….

HOW ABOUT A TIME TO…. “SHIT OR GET OFF THE POT?”

A TIME TO…. “DRAW A LINE IN THE SAND.”