Numb 01/22/08  

New type of state, same face different mind space

Not afraid, been waiting to reside in this place

Not worried about a dam thing

Numb to you numb to him numb to her, numb to everything besides me

Not walking on water but walking lightly

Keeping feelings locked and bolted in

Only letting the truth ring free on this piece of paper through this pen

Comes off as mood swings or anti verbal

Not anti social just anti letting you in my business

Zoned out to any negative comments, negative assumptions

Mostly anyone’s opinion, which only suits them

No benefit for my standing

Don't give advice you wouldn't follow your dam self

This is why I’m numb to you, numb to her and numb to him numb to all besides me

No more time for others self inflicted problems, transferring onto my ground

Keep your issues for your tissues and girl talk phone calls

Keep it for your boys or whoever you turn to

I don't understand you because I can't hear you

I have other obligations to fulfill and insecurity to kill so I can continue to go on about my business

Sleeping restless now, missing my home boy Mr. Green trees

Only temporarily though

This is my down time, get my mind right time

But I'll be at my peak hopefully sooner then I think

So I won't forever be at a stand still

I’m numb to the idea of failing, numb to this world wide meaning of love, numb to being sprung, being anyone’s one

Just for now though until I’m the shit in my eyes

This is the abrupt end to the old me

A drastic needed change for my worth

Not looking back, scared I might slip back to the past

And get taken advantage of again

Most think they know me, swear they could write a book about me

Sorry for stepping on any fragile toes or hurting any sensitive feelings

But you know my shadow only, if you've never read my poetry

Might know the concept, the outside but never the details

But let this play in your mind and press rewind if you get lost

Does anyone really know who they really are?

I surprise myself every month with a new finding

We never know what our reaction will be if our buttons are pushed to the max

And lines start getting crossed and we are a placed in the most vulnerable time and place

We just might notice a different face

But I'll let you assume and do what you do and let you think I’m a open book

Because I’m numb to you numb to him numb to her numb to the majority

I decided not to feel, to not show acknowledgment to any that doesn't deserve that extra effort

Decided to cut ties and loose ends with heavy weight emotions

I decided to rear end this potential disaster before another unwanted encounter occurs

Now I’m free to think clearly with a clean slate of mind

Because I’m finally numb to this dam world