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Jerry Aragon Ph.D (Phunny humor Doctor)

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If You Need Help...Don't Be Ashamed to GET IT!
By Jerry Aragon Ph.D (Phunny humor Doctor)   
Rated "G" by the Author.
Last edited: Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Posted: Monday, August 03, 2009

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None of us has a crystal ball, and we don't know how our lives are going to turn out...maybe better than we thought...maybe worse! We all dream of owning our own home, and living in it as long as we can, and enjoying our Golden Years, etc. But, sometimes those dreams don't turn out as they should...

My...but how time flies...one day you're 25 years old and feeling your oats...and the next day, you're 65 years old, and preparing to enter the Old Folks Home.  Where has time gone?

I've been in the humor business for over 50 years,
and two of my favorite humor writers were Erma Bombeck and Art Buchwald, who made a graceful exit upon his death, and I'll address that issue later in this piece. 

I wrote another piece concerned with aging, which is entitled, How Humor Helps Us Cope With the Aging Process.  Can be seen at the following link;
http://www.authorsden.com/visit/viewarticle.asp?id=44733

You know you're getting old when;

- they discontinue your blood type!

- you get winded playing chess!

- your favorite song is 'I Fall to Pieces!'

- your favorite part of the newspaper is, 'Twenty Years Ago Today.'

- the little old gray-haired lady, that you help cross the street is your wife!

- you sit in your rocking chair and you can't get it going!

- your pace-maker makes your garage door fly open, when you see a pretty girl!

- with all your wisdom, you have all the answers...but nobody asks you any questions. 

- your get up and go...just got up and went! 

- people start calling you 'sir' and that goes for the men, too! 

- you were a kid...rainbows were in black and white! 

- you walked into an antique shop and they tried to sell you! 

- people call you at 6 PM and ask, 'Did I wake you?'

- you have a party and the neighbors don't complain!

From: National Institute on Aging:
(Unprecedented aging)  The average age of the worlds population is increasing at an unprecendented rate.  The number of people worldwide 65 and older...is estimated at 506 million, as of mid-2008.  By 2040, that number will hit 1.3 billion.  Thus, in just over 30 years, the population of older people will double from 7% to 14% of the total world population, according to a new report on aging in 2008. 

"I still have a full deck...I just shuffle a little slower now."  Author unknown

How do you spell relief:  I spell it, e-a-r-l-y  d-e-t-e-c-t-i-o-n.  If I want to live to old age, one of the most important things I've done in the last 25 years, is to get a physical exam and a blood test every year.  Over a six year period, I followed how my glucose (blood sugar) was getting elevated little by little.  So, I was not surprised, when it touched and went over the diabetes line!  I'm not happy about this, but I know about it, and I can do something about it now, and I can work to get it under the safe line once more, etc.  Young or old...I think getting a blood test is one of the most important things a person can do for him or herself. 

"I don't plan to grow old gracefully...I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet!"  Rita Rudner

Old at 50 years of age
If you're 50 years of age, or you're just puckering up...you will get your LETTER to join the AARP (Association of Retired People)  When I got my letter 14 years ago, I thought...'what do these people want with me...I'm not old at fifty!'  It's all for political purposes and to have a larger voting block, etc.  In 2009, I still don't think I'm old at 64...I have plenty of 'toot' left in my whistle, etc. 

"The measure of life, after all, is not duration...but donation."  Peter Marshall

 Declared disabled:
In 2005, and at the age of 60, I was declared disabled by the VA (Department of Veterans Affairs) and by Social Security.  This was, obviously, not the way I thought things would turn out for me for retirement and for my future, etc.  But, in the words of Stevie Wonder, "Do the best you can with what you've got!" 

Pension terminated:
When I reported Social Secruity to the VA, which was a rule, the disability pension was terninated.  They (the VA) wanted my to also pay over $3,700.00 of that pension, and I eventually got a waiver on that debt, that the VA created!  But now, I would half to live on half on my income.  I am not getting tax payer money in Social Security, but I am getting the money I earned all me life...that's the way Social Security worked it out.  Now, that the VA Pension was gone, Senior living and the Section 8 programs became more important in my life, and in early 2008, I dedided to apply and to get things rolling in those two areas.  I knew I would get on waiting lists in both programs, so the faster I got started...the better.  The government was crumbling at the time, and so much uncerainty in the enonomy, and one signature from the White House, and all these programs could be frozen, and so I had to act fast.

"It's not how long we live...but how."  Barry Kawolski 

From: Web MD  (Overview: Healthy Aging)
Aging is a normal part of life, and we're all living longer.  With today's medical advances, are celebratig good health along with longevity.  It's important to be aware of the many components of senior health, including physical health; mental health and emotional well-being.  With healthy lifestyle habits; plenty of exercise and activities, and a strong social support, healthy seniors can look forward to personal fulfillment and a long life. 

 "The secret to longevity...is to stay breathing!"  Sophie Tucker

 "Dear God...please send clothes for all the poor ladies on Grampas computer, who don't have any!"  Granddaughter

You know you're old when...

- your child-hood toys are in a museum...

- at your age...flowers scare you! 

(Moving into a senior center)
This facility was built in the 1960's and has five stories and houses about 165 seniors...including me now.  I don't think there is anyone living here, who wants to live here.  Most Americans don't want hand-outs such as food stamps; welfare; subsidies of any kind.  American's want to do it themselves.  But, sometimes they can't and they need a little help, and that's why these programs were developed back in the 1960's. 

Even if a person lives in a house for a long time, they may have to give it up for one reason or another.  My ex father and mother-in-law lived in their house until they were in their mid-80's.  Then they moved into one of those assisted living places, where they have medical facilities.  He lived until he was 105 years old and she lived to be 101. 

The government subsidy programs like the Senior Centers; the Section 8 program and the 235 housing program, have been around a long time through HUD (Department of Housing and Urban Development)  I remember one of my sisters got a 235 house near the golf course back in the 1070's.  A friend of mine lived in a Section 8 apartment near work.  What is the difference between the Senior Program and the Section 8 program?

- The Senior program; the person has to qualify at the age of 62 and live in the Senior apartments.

- Whereas in Section 8, once the person has qualified and gotten their government voucher, they can live anywhere in the country in an apartment, that takes Section 8.  I applied for both in early 2008, and I'm still on the waiting list on Section 8.  I don't expect to get a voucher until early in 2010.  That's a two year waiting period.  I got $166.00 off the rent when I moved into the Senior place in May, 2009.  If I get my voucher in 2010 and if I want to move, I can do so, if the apartments take a Section 8 voucher. 

Advice: One piece of advice I'll give to the young and the old.  You must pass a background check;  traffic tickets; child-support; rent/mortgage payments, etc.  If your background is filled with blemishes...you won't qualify and you won't get in anywhere! 

"I wish I could tell you my age, but it's impossible, because it keeps changing all the time."  Greer Garson

Like so many other Americans, I've lived in the private sector for years.  But, when I lost the VA pension, it made such a difference in my life and my way of thinking.  So, could I make it just on Social Security?

One thing I wanted more than anything else in the world, was to get out of the VA Medical Center, where I had been going since 1992.  I've been screwed so many times at the VA, that I had to find a way out...before I get murdered...OR worse! 

In 2007, I received a letter from Social Security, informing me that I have completed my "two year waiting period on a disability" and that I would now be eligible for Medicare!  Hooray! 

I could now join a local HMO, but I would now have to pay for Medicare (96.00.mo) and pay for office visits and for my medication.  I would rather pay for my care than to go back to the VA! 

Hooray! 

In the three years I've been on Social Security, I've gotten a cost of living raises totalling about $110.00 so the Medicare is paid for, and comes out of my check before I even see it.  Now, I can grow old gracefully! 

"You're as old as you feel."  SHUT UP! 

The Age of Old:
In my view, old people have a notorious reputation of whining; belly-aching and crying about everything that's wrong with them!  I don't think young people or anybody else want's to hear about it!  You get old...you get sick...and you die...that's how it works!  That's why nobody wants to get old!  Show me somebody who is looking forward to getting old, and I'll show you a lunatic! 

Of the people living here on the 5th floor, that I've met or seen...nobody is less than 80 years old and a few are pushing the age of 90 years old!  At 64, I feel like a teeny-bopper in this place! 

I've been there...I've done that;
I'll take my own advice and try to keep the whining and crying to a minimum, but I have to tell the reader how I got here, etc.  Accident w/injuries to upper spine/neck area; a decade of migraine headaches; nosebleeds; six job layoffs;depression; surgery; 100+ doctor visits; 3 months in the hospital; heart-failure; pace-maker implant; 6 weeks living in a homeless shelter; 4 months living at the VA; bankruptcy; disability pension terminated; diabetes; loss of all possessions, etc; etc; etc. 

And finally...as I said earlier, Art Buchwald made a graceful exit at the age of 82, when he had the plug pulled on his kidney machine and let nature take its course.  If we all had that kind of courage, right? 

Good luck and good health to everyone! 

Article title: We're All Going to Die Sooner or Later!
http://www.authorsden.com/visit/viewarticle.asp?id=42406

"Do not regret growing old.  It is a privledge denied to many."  Author unknown

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Copyright; 2010; Jerry Aragon/The Humor Doctor
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