What's It All About?
Taken from my blog
The Core Of Friendship
By La Belle Rouge
What is the essential core of friendship? To me it’s always been about trust. I can’t be close to someone I don’t trust. Most of us have been burned enough by false friends that we have learned to open the deepest part of ourselves only to those we can trust. You can be attracted to someone, admire them deeply, wish you could know them better but if they have betrayed your trust the closeness ends there. Not necessarily because you want it to but because that’s just the way the human psyche is made; “Hurt me once shame on you, hurt me twice, shame on me.” After trust is gone what you have with that person will always be a superficial acquaintance, never a deep, open friendship.
Friendship is about building up, not tearing down. It’s about bringing out the best in each other. Wanting to see each other happy and fulfilled in life. Appreciating the beauty and giftedness of each other and encouraging each other to become all they can become.
It’s about respect and love, this thing called friendship. Loving someone enough to see them as beautiful, even if they have faults. Loving that person enough to get past the things you may not like about them and developing a relationship that has a nurturing and perfecting effect for both of you. If you find a real friend you will become a better and more rounded person because of their influence in your life. A true friend’s love will help you to value yourself more highly because you are so valuable in their eyes.
Real relationships involve loving someone enough to listen not only to their words but to their hearts. It’s a two way street of listening and communicating. Honest thoughts shared, both positive and negative without offense or demands that your friend change to be more like your ideals. Retaining your individuality but allowing the openness of the relationship to complement the individuality of each other. You won’t set out to change each other but you will change over the course of time from the positive influence you have on each other. You will grow and become more than you could ever have been without your friend‘s influence in your life.
Respect will protect a friend’s privacy and keep their confidences. Respect will treasure the feelings of a friend and will try to never cause them unnecessary pain. Respecting someone’s uniqueness and the many ways in which their personality and thoughts differ from yours is the proof of friendship for the sake of love alone and not manipulative control or personal gain.
There are many people that I truly like and call friend but the kind of deep soul relationship of iron sharpening iron, of a shelter from the turmoil of life’s storms, that comes along only a few times in life. Cherish it if and when you find it.
8/10/2009 La Belle Rouge