I worked for a large engineering company many years ago, and there were about 100 employees in our division in our state. Of those employees, a few women were named Ann or Anne...and a few had versions of the name Ann: Anita; Anna; Annie; Annette.
At that same company, there was a young couple, who were expecting their first child. The only problem with this, is that they were having trouble choosing a name for the baby. The arguing between them went on for months! They finally decided, that it may be a good idea, to get some suggestions from their fellow-employees. So, they placed a notice on the black-board in the lunchroom asking for name suggestions. It didn't take long, as the next day, three suggestions appeared on the blackboard for the Nelson's baby:
- Baby Face Nelson (gangster)
- Full Nelson (wrestling term)
- Half Nelson (wrestling term)
* * *
What if you don't like the name given to the child?
This happened to my ex-girlfriend, as her given and legal name is Jean-Alice. But, her mother never liked the name, so she called her "Wendy." The name 'Wendy' does not appear on any legal document, including driver's license, etc. For the next 40 years, she would be known as Wendy.
One day, I did an experiment. I called her office and asked for Jean-Alice. I was told that there was no one there by that name. A few minutes later, I called back, and asked for Wendy, and the woman told me to wait..as she transferred the call.
"In real life, there are names that surprise us, because they don't seem to suit the person at all." Krzyszol Kiestowski
In doing a little research for this piece, I learned that the most popular name for girls in 2009 is the name Emily on the 100 most popular list. A few names in between are listed as Emma; Isabela; Sophia; Abigail...and the name occupying the #100 spot is the name Melissa.
On the boys side, the most popular name (2009) is Jacob and other names on the top 100 list are Michael; Daniel; Ethan; William and followed at the #100 by the name Eli.
The name of yours truly (Jerry) did not appear on the list. (sob-sob!)
But, who decides on how the name or names are going to be spelled?
When I was in the hospital a few years ago, both of my nurses were named Cathy and Kathy! One was spelled with a "C" and the other spelled with a "K." When I called for a nurse, I had to specify which nurse I wanted! (SCREAM!)
I have a sister named Cathy...or is it Kathy? Gee...I don't even know how to spell my own sisters name...da-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a...
"Nicknames stick to people, and the most ridiculous are the ones most adhesive." Thomas Haliburton
The confusion with people's names will drive you to a mental instition...as it did with me...
- Chris - boy or girl?
- Pat - boy or girl?
- Leslie - boy or girl?
- Kelly - boy or girl"
- Dallas - boy, girl, city...or what?
A few years ago, I met a woman (online) whose name is Dallas and she lives in Houston! (I'm getting a little dizzy now and I'm going crazy, too)
Growing up and learning to talk;
When a child is growing up, it can be quite challenging pronouncing words and names. When our son, Jason, was growing up and was about one or two years old...he destroyed the English language as he learned to talk.
Back in the 1970's, there was a hit television detective show on the air, which was entitled, "Startsky and Hutch. A real tongue-twister, Jason had problems with this title, so he just casually re-named the show, "Starchy and Hutch."
"Forgive your enemies...but never forget their names." John F. Kennedy
Who decides how the person's name is spelled?
Judy; Judi; Judee: This was the name of the woman who managed the apartments where I used to live...but I don't know which one. (SCREAM!)
John/Jon; Tom/Thom; Sounds like rolling drums, doesn't it? (SCREAM!)
Cheryl/Sheryl; Cheryl owns a copy shop across the street from me, and Sheryl manages the apartments where I live! (S-C-R-E-E-E-E-A-M!)
Susana; Suzana; Susanna; Susanah; Suzanna;
Betty/Bettye: I think people do this to drive others crazy! (SCREAM!) Maybe I'll put an "e" after my name Jerry...Jerrye! That ought to screw up all those 'normal people' out there!
For those of you, who may be curious as to what 'normal people' look like...tune into C-SPAM...sorry...CSPAN...and you'll see all the 'normal people' you can stand in the U.S. Congress...which is pretty scary in itself! (Yawn, here)
Julie-Jullie-Julee: I'm getting a headache! (SCREAM!)
Jody/Jodi;Jodie: I'm going crazy...I tell you..(SCREAM!)
Janice;Janiss;Janis; I realize I'm headed for the mental institution...(SCREAM!)
Daryl;Darrel: I feel a nervous break-down coming on (SCREAM!)
Karen;Caryn; Karin; (SCREAM!); I'm at the end of my rope...
Ellen; Elin; (SCRE-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-A-M!)
Brian; Bryon; Bryan; I promise the reader I won't scream...S-C-R-E-A-M...anyway!
Carol; Carole; Carroll; Karel; Wasn't the name of the actor who played Archie Bunker named Carroll? I think I need a shrink in the worst way! (SCREAM!)
Jeff/Geoff: I promise the reader I won't scream out loud...(whisper) scr-e-e-e-e-e-e-a-m!
Sonya; Sonja; Sonia: What else...SCREAM!
Alan; Allan; Allen; Allyn; If you don't have anything good to say about somebody...SCREAM!
Laketisha; Does anyone know if this name is spelled right or wrong? Does anybody care? I don't think you'll find many versions of this name around, do you?
Jerry/Gerry; This article doesn't offer any solutions...IF there are any solutions...which I don't think there are any solutions to this mess!
Let's examine my name a little closer, shall we?
Jerry: (German); means spear warrior; That's right...I've been the receipient of plenty of spears during my lifetime...mostly landing where the sun don't shine!
"Suburbia is where the developers bulldose out the trees, and then name the streets after them." Bill Vaughn
Instead of screaming in bits and pieces...I'll just collect all these names and SCREAM all at once at the end of this mess!
Kay - Kaye; Lisa - Liza; Leeza; Lyssa; Sherry - Sheri -Shari; Sara - Sarah; Mary - Merry; Susan - Suzen; Debbie - Debby; Hanna - Hannah; Jean - Gean - Gene; Vickie - Vicky - Vicki; Lee - Leigh - Leah; Dawn - Don; Tony - Toney - Toni; Joe - Jo; Bobby - Bobbie; Sammy - Sammi; Steven - Stephen; Shelly - Shelley; Connie - Conny; Nora - Norah; Gail - Gale - Gayle; Missy - Missie - Missi; Zach - Zack; Cynthya - Cinthia; Josie - Josy - Jozi; Tonya - Tonia; Tawnya; Ray - Rae; Marcy - Marcie; Francis - Frances; JoAnn - JoAnne; Christy - Christie; Kristy; Neal - Neil; Allyson - Allison; Lyn - Linn - Lynn; Lewis - Louis; Christina - Cristina; Bonnie - Bonny; Candice; Candace; Willie - Willy; Eric - Erik; Kathleen - Cathleen; Sandy - Sandie; Gil - Gill; Valerie - Valery; Rosanna - Rozanna; Debra - Debrah; Bo - Beau; Eddie - Eddy; Linda - Lynda; Adolph - Adolf; Bert - Burt; Nester - Nestor; Patty - Patti; Marsha - Marcia; Aileen - Eileen; Elliot - Eliot - Elloitt; Lily - Lilly; Jason - Jayson; Chloe - Khloe; Dylan - Dillon - Dillan; Aubrey - Aubree - Aubrie; Lucas - Lukas; Addyson - Addison; Nicholas - Nicolas; Madeline - Madelyn - Madelynn; Matthew - Mathew; Caitlyn - Kaitlyn; Zachary - Zachery - Zackery; Brooke - Brook; Sebastian - Sebastien; Lucy - Lucie; Jacob - Jakob; Madison - Maddison - Madisyn; Dominic - Dominick; Elizabeth - Elisabeth; Damien - Damian; Haley - Hayley -Hailey; Lauren - Lauryn; Rilee - Rylee; Sydnee - Sydney - Sidnee; Jimmy - Jimmie; Randall - Randle; Abby - Abbie - Abbey; Cathy - Kathy - Kathye; Tammy - Tammie; Rosemary - Rosmaire; Carla - Karla; Theresa - Teresa; Penny - Pennie; Ida - Aida; Kathyrn -Cathryn- Kathrine - Cathrine; Edward - Edouard; Myles - Miles; Valdemar - Valdemir; Neil - Neal; Manny - Mannie; Elena - Elaina - Rosalie - Rosaly; Karlene - Carlene; Sofia - Sofya - Sophia; Shawn - Shan; Carrie - Kari; Phillip - Philip; Jackie - Jacky; Micah - Mica; Pamela - Pamilla; Molly - Mollie; Marcy - Marci; Lidia - Lydia; Maureen- Maurine; Margo - Margot; Carl - Karl; Cara - Kara; Andrew - Andru; Marjorie - Marjory; LeeAnn - Lianne;Mark - Marc; Casper - Kacper; Carolyn - Karolyn; George - Georg; Donny - Donnie; Kelly - Kelley; Glenn - Glen; Darren - Darryn; Celene - Selene; Sandra - Saundra - Zondra; Lorretta - Larretta; Diana - Dayana; Holly - Hollie; Shawn - Sean - Shaun - Shonn; Ricky - Ricki - Rikki; Laura - Lara; Claire - Clare; Aaron - Erron...(Whew...my head is hurting!)
Fido - Fidough - Phidoe - Phydoe; America's favorite dog name? Can you imagine what all the other dog names look like! I think much of this society is all going to the dogs, anyway!
Has the reader gone bananas, yet?
Some people get down-right bitchy if you don't spell their name right! (SCREAM!) All you people who can't spell your name the same, have driven me crazy and confined to a mental institution! (Scream again!)
If the reader will excuse me now...as I am now headed to live in a mental insitution...as I will not pass GO...nor do I collect $200!
Currently...I now live in a mental institution, and authorities have told me that they have thrown the key away! I spend part of my time 'hearing voices,' of all those 'normal people,' who have accused me of spelling their name wrong! It has certainly taken its toll..and I regrit bean such a louzy speler and grammer and things!
A good part of my days are now spent hearing voices...such as...
"You spelled my name wrong...you spelled my name wrong!" SHAME on you...you spelled my name wrong"...the voices say over and over again...
Well...excu-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-se me! You are so-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o picky the way you spell your name! How do you know if your name is spelled right, if all the other names are spelled wrong? Da-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a...
Other than hearing those awful voices most days, I spend a lot of time surfing the Internet on my computer, and I write letters and emails. When I sign a letter or email, I usually use the shortened version of my name Jerry...or 'Jer.'
I always get a chuckle, when the computer spell-checks and highlights my name...and gives me a subsitute word...'JERK!' Hey...I can relate to that...especially now that I've spelled so many people's names wrong all my life and find myself locked up in a mental institution! I, obviously, cannot cope with all the 'normal people' out there!
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Copyright; 2009; Jerry Aragon/The Humor Doctor
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