AuthorsDen.com  Join (free) | Login 

     Popular! Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry
   Services MarketPlace (Free to post!)
Where Authors and Readers come together!

Signed Bookstore | Authors | eBooks | Books | Stories | Articles | Poetry | Blogs | News | Events | Reviews | Videos | Success | Gold Members | Testimonials

Featured Authors: Diana Perkins, iGina LoBiondo, iDarryl Jenkins, iT.W. Fendley, iStephen Cafaro, iRaymond Sturgis, iKeith Wright, i
  Home > Humor > Articles
Popular: Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry     

Patrick A Granfors

· Become a Fan
  Notify me of new titles
  added by this author.

· 553 titles
· 6,293 Reviews
· Share with Friends!
· Save to My Library
·
Member Since: May, 2009

   Sitemap
   My Blog
   Contact Author
   Read Reviews


Short Stories
· Strawberry Green Springs

· Transitions

· Drip Line


Articles
· Fabulous Eight Bean Soup

· Consequences

· Mighty Fine Stuffed Cabbage Rolls

· Phobos-Grunt Re-entry

· My Second Ozark Boat Ride

· Marinating on my TV

· A Penny For My Thoughts?

· Alzyisms Part 7 - Partial Reconciliation

· Alzyisms - Part 6

· Dateline Orlando


Poetry
· Somebody Blinked

· Bend

· Drink About It

· Dominos

· Standard Issue

· Wisdom of the Wind

· Rainy Day Poem

· Can You Imagine

· The Beer Standard

· Kubic

         More poetry...

Patrick A Granfors, click here to update your web pages on AuthorsDen.

Time for Confusion
By Patrick A Granfors
Last edited: Friday, May 20, 2011
Posted: Thursday, May 19, 2011



Share    Print   Save  Become a Fan
Recent articles by
Patrick A Granfors

• Best Onion Soup Ever
• Fabulous Eight Bean Soup
• Consequences
• Mighty Fine Stuffed Cabbage Rolls
• Phobos-Grunt Re-entry
• My Second Ozark Boat Ride
• Marinating on my TV
           >> View all 22
Its about time

Time confuses the heck out of me. It’s bad enough that I’ve got to deal with Daylight Savings Time and Pacific Standard Time but I get hung up on what time really is.

 

I mean, when you say “once upon a time” does that imply a single point in time or a series of events way back when? Nobody ever says “twice upon a time” so I guess the single point theory gets the nod.  “Once upon a time” I got my butt paddled for talking back to my dad. That was a one time event, no “twice upon a time” there for sure, lesson learned. Still how many books and movies start with “once upon a time?”  Not one of them is an instantaneous event.

 

“There was a time” sounds a lot like “Once upon a time” but not quite as numerically bossy. They both have “a time” in common though and perhaps there lies a clue. Just what is the difference between “a time” and “time?”

 

You can measure “time” in microseconds if you so choose but how do you measure “a time?” It makes no sense.

 

I suppose you could throw an adjective into the mix such as, I had “a good time” or I had “a bad time” to provide some sort of perspective but that really doesn’t address the chronology of the time element itself, meaning that “a time,” is in fact an event which can carry an infinite number of finite measurable durations. So “a time” and “time” is really the same thing just said differently, sort of.

 

Of course in human terms time typically gets expressed as a function of the event. I had a great time at the concert last night or, I had a miserable time at the dentist’s office.

 

And here is where it gets really complicated. Keep an eye on your watch for an hour while you’re getting a lap dance. Now keep an eye on your watch for an hour while you’re getting a root canal. Care to postulate which hour is longer?

 

We all know of course that 60 minutes is 60 minutes. Yet this example offers clear evidence that time is a rubber band, that is, rather the perception of time. You know, time flies when you’re having fun. Einstein proved that time is relative but his world of light speed time distortion isn’t relevant here.

 

“There will be a time” speaks to a future event or maybe point in time, I don’t know and it depends on how much time it takes to get there.

 

But who owns time? I can say I have some time to do something but I get the sneaking suspicion that I’m just borrowing time. I can’t really pay it back. I could say that I’m giving you an hour of my time but in reality aren’t we then just sharing the same time? You don’t get twice as much time. If you think time belongs to you, then you obviously don’t punch a time clock. There it is again, time measurement vs. events.

 

Just think. In the amount of time you’ve taken to read this, and I’ll assume two minutes, according to planetary statistics, 500 people will have been born, and 210 will have died. That is 500 lifetimes beginning and 210 lifetimes ending. Are these events, or measurements, or both, or neither?

 

I’m coming to the conclusion that time is a label. Lifetime, party time, work time, time for bed and that the amount of time in between is some sort of cosmic filler. In other words were all astrological twinkies living in our own little time warp.

 

It’s time for a beer, I’m so confused.

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2011 Patrick Granfors

 

 

 

 

 

f

Reader Reviews for "Time for Confusion"


Want to review or comment on this article?
Click here to login!


Need a FREE Reader Membership?
Click here for your Membership!


Reviewed by CJ Heck 5/28/2011
This is hysterical, Patrick! I love how you think.
Hugs,
CJ
Reviewed by Eileen Granfors 5/24/2011
Your lunch hour . . . a walk in the park or a meeting with the boss?
Reviewed by Peter Schlosser (Reader) 5/20/2011
i think once upon a time means that we can only experience a moment in time once, it's here and gone. i wrote an article way back when, probably 2002 or so, about time. i should dig it out and post it...it was going to be published in a magazine called "Muse", which eventually went under and never got to the printing press. oh well, time for a career change!!
Reviewed by P. Zimmerman 5/20/2011
Fantastic! Too bad George Carlin isn't around any longer...he would have had A "GOOD"time with this.
Reviewed by Mr. Ed 5/20/2011
There was a time, when I didn't care about time, at all. I really thought that I had time to spare, for everything. Now, it seems like I have little time at all, to do the things that I still want to do. But my time is up; I've gotta go; I'm out of time!
Reviewed by Annabel Sheila 5/20/2011
And it's time to laugh once again! This is awesome, Patrick! I love the way your mind works and how you're able to laugh at life! That's the only way to do it as far as I'm concerned! Great job!

Anna
Reviewed by JASMIN HORST SEILER 5/19/2011
It all started with a Fairy tale ha, what do you expect, I would think the time will come, or go, or whatever, when you'll have all the time in the world, so to speak. You are a hoot Patrick.
Jasmin Horst
Reviewed by - - - - - TRASK 5/19/2011
I'm Not Confused:

The Time For Beer I Can Buy
The Time Humanity Has Left Its Time To Cry...

Means: I'd Be Real Concerned Where I Am If I Ever Wake Up In The (Your) Mourning!

Credit Illuminating Write!

TRASK
Reviewed by Ed Matlack 5/19/2011
Forget confused, my brain after reading this and trying to figure it out is absolutely contused...e
Popular
Humor Articles
  1. Hi it's me, the grouchy ladybug
  2. International Talk Like William Shatner Da
  3. Calling Dr. Mengele, Calling Dr. Mengele
  4. Stuff I Just Donít Get On Facebook
  5. 2014 and 2015
  6. J. Carson as R. Reagan
  7. Lost C. Burnett Skit
  8. Conniving My Retirement
  9. New Cleaner for Kason
  10. Rodney Dangerfield
  11. Merry Atheistmas
  12. Diary of a Crazy Bastard
  13. Silverstream Made Goddess Status
  14. The Toilet Seat Delima
  15. How to Succeed in Media
  16. Halibut Have Cheeks
  17. Ponderisms
  18. Ultimate Sexy
  19. It's the Old Spice Guy: Look at Him, Now L
  20. The 2000 Year Old Man

You can also search authors by alphabetical listing: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z



Featured Authors | New to AuthorsDen? | Add AuthorsDen to your Site
Share AD with your friends | Need Help? | About us


Problem with this page?   Report it to AuthorsDen

© AuthorsDen, Inc. All rights reserved.