I read a report recently, which was published by the P.U. Research and Polling Center, who took a survey of everyday citizens out in the street, and asked the simple questions about marriage and dirvorce. It doesn't take a rocket scientist or a brain surgeon, to know that marriage in this country is in trouble. The numbers continue to go higher and higher and some people are getting married later in life or not getting married at all.
The research is quite extensive and time-consuming, but here's a small example of what we have found. The survey was conducted with ordinary people out in the street, all across America. We're all living in the Age of Selfishness!
Why do men die before their wives...they have to!
Do you know the pushishmnet for bigamy? Two mother's in Law!
A man inserted an ad in the classified section of the newspaper, which read;
WIFE WANTED; A few days later, he got about 100 offers...which read, "You can have mine?"
The most effective was to remember your wife's birthday...is to forget it once.
Frirst guy; "My wife is an angel." Second guy; "You're lucky...mine's still alive."
How do men define a marraige? 'An expensive way to get a little laungry done for free.'
Just think...if it wern't for marriage...men would go througo life thinking they had to faults at all.
If you want your wife to listed, and pay individed attention to what you have to say...talk in your sleep!
There was a man who once said, "I never knew what real happiness was, until I got married...and then it was too late!
A little boy, asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And, the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying."
It's true ...I married 'Miss Right,' I just didn't know her first name was 'Always'
"Marriage is a great institution...but I'm not ready for an institution just yet. Mae West
"I recently read that love is like chemistry. That's why my wife treats my like toxic waste." David Bessonette
"Do you know what it's like to come home to a little tenderness; love and affection...you're in the wrong house!" George Burns
"When a man steals your wife...there's no better revenge, than to let him keep her." Sacha Guilty
"I've had bad luck with both of my wives...the first one left me...and the second one didn't." Patrack Murray
"My wife and I had words...but I never got to use mine." Fibber McGee
"I don't think I'll ever get married again. I'll just find a woman I like and give her the house and all my possessions." Louis Grizzard
"People ask the secret to a long and happy marriage. We like to go to a fancy restaurant twice a week...she goes on Tuesday and I go on Friday." Henny Youngmen
"The longest sentence you can form in two words..."I Do!" Louis Menchen
DAMMIT, SIR! It is your duty to get married...as you can't always live a life of pleasure!" Oscar Wilde
"Mom and Pop were just a couple if kids when they got married. He was just 18; She was just 16; and I was just three years old." Billy Holiday
"I love being married...It's so great to find that one special person that you can annoy the rest of your life." Rita Rudner
"My girlfriend always laughs during sex, no matter what's she's reading." Steve Jobs
Talk to a man about himself...and he'll listen for hours.
According to a new survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman, is her eyes. Woman, on the other hand, say the first thing they notice about a man, is that they are all a bunch of liars.
"We had a lot in common. I loved him...and HE loved HIM! Shelly Winters
"Don't marry a man to reform him...that's what reform schools are for." Mae West
And, finally....
All these years, I thought marriage was a basket-case...that is...until I read the following comment...now I KNOW it's a basket -case...
"My husband and I didn't sign a pre-nuptial aggreement...instead...we signed a mutual suicide pact." Joanne Barr
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Copyright; 2011; Jerry ARagon; The Humor Doctor;
Website name; humordoctormd
