Are you and your partner having a tough time getting over an argument? Here are some tips to help.
1. Surrender to your responsibility.
When you become aware that you have made a mistake, admit it and apologize. Use it as an opportunity to learn and grow. You don’t have to be afraid of punishment or rejection –- apologizing makes it easier to be forgiven.
2. Don’t be afraid to admit you're wrong.
This fear comes from a culture of blaming and accusing -- where your early family or schoolmates may have picked a "culprit" when something went wrong, and focused on blame, rather than on fixing the problem and healing the hurt. Don’t approach every situation as if you're on trial, and don’t compulsively try to convince everyone you're not guilty. Apology and subsequent forgiveness is stress-releasing, and healthy for the relationship, which turns out to be healthy for the participants in the relationship. Relationships which include healthy apology and forgiveness are less stressful, more supportive, and therefore healthier for the individuals within them.
3. Follow the following pattern for apology:
- Admit your mistake: Speak directly to the person to whom you need to apologize.
- State what you did (so the person knows you’re aware)
- Say you’re sorry
- Do a re-take: Describe what change you’ll make to fix it, and so it won’t happen again
- Say “I hope you can forgive me.”
4. If that doesn’t work, ask the other person what he or she wants you to apologize for (in case you misunderstood your mistake).
Lets Not And Say We Did!
TRASK...
Quite often, I made mistakes and sent out incorrect information in haste. As soon as I learned of my mistake, I would immediately send the correct information with my apologies for the previous error. Except when it came to accidental personal affronts, I didn't ask for forgiveness. I'm not a religious person.
As a result, my reputation grew for being the source of correct information in the organization. However, because of my occasional mistakes attempting to deal with a lot of information and keeping it up-to-date, as well as political forces with misinformation, some of my superiors often doubted my data and even accused me of having it wrong. In those cases, I didn't apologize. Instead, I reformatted and presented the information again to verify that I was correct. I saw no reason to apologize. As a result, my political power in the organization was quite limited by facts. ;-)
Ron